Disclaimer: Everything you recognise isn’t mine, and actually even the plot isn’t mine, haha. This is a response to a challenge on Portkey. Thread link here <http://talk.portkey.org/index.php?showtopic=21726&st=0&gopid=390195&#entry390195>

What I can promise is that it will be a lot of fun. (Actually I just hope it will be.)

For my usual readers, I am terribly sorry for pausing my fics to do this, and I will try to get back to those as soon as I can!!!

Cho layered the lipgloss on her already glossy lips and gave them a great smacking kiss at the conjured mirror hovering before her startlingly pretty face. Oh she knew she was hot stuff alright, but the thing was Harry Potter, the man she absolutely loved and adored, just didn’t seem to get it, or in fact even see it. She didn’t know whether he was just particularly stupid, or maybe those glasses did more to his eyesight than she knew, but either way his lack of love for her was obviously someone else’s fault and in no way hers. She was wonderful! Perfect! She was Cho Chang…

Scowling at a bit of lipgloss on her teeth, Cho rubbed it rather unsubtly with her finger and once satisfied that she was looking perfect again, smiled sweetly at her reflection. A clock chimed in the distance, and she was suddenly reminded of why she was standing in this stinking, smelly alleyway where an old man was snoring with a bottle of firewhiskey sitting snugly in his lap just a few feet away from her near some rubbish bins that reeked of three-day-old fish. She glared at the man for a moment as if it was all his fault the idiotic Bulgarian she was supposed to be meeting had not turned up. That letter she’d sent Viktor Krum, blotted woefully with teardrops shed from gloriously brown eyes, had demanded he come see her as a matter of urgency in Diagon Alley at 3pm on Tuesday. It was now 3:01pm, and he still had not turned up! The nerve of him! If Victor didn’t come in two more minutes she would cry. Then he’d be sorry, especially since it would ruin all her perfect makeup.

It was a curious thing why she had sent that letter to Viktor Krum of all people. They had randomly met at a party and had somehow ended up talking about Harry and Hermione. Both had soon confessed they still had feelings for their past lovers, and the next day, after having cried herself heartily to sleep, Cho knew she needed to do something about this. So she had sent the letter, and here she waited.

“Oh where is he?” Cho snapped darkly to herself, tapping her shoe against the cobbled stone in great exasperation. More than likely Viktor was lost and asking directions in his stupid accent about where to find secret alleyways. She wouldn’t be surprised; he was no Ravenclaw after all. He was nothing but a great brute that had an accent to give him some appeal. She didn’t know what that Hermione Granger had seen in him…

Cho’s face darkened into a decidedly jealous expression as she-who-must-not-be-named came into her thoughts. It was all her fault. If that bushy-haired, meddling tart wasn’t always trying to steal Harry’s affections, she was sure he would like her again. She just had to remove Granger from the picture and then she and Harry would be happy once more. It was disconcerting he wanted to spend time with the static haired girl more than herself though, but Cho was sure Granger was using love potions. How else could Harry look at the Gryffindor over her?

Cho once more glanced at her watch and felt her already miniscule patience wearing even more thin. It was now 3:01pm and 40 seconds. How dare he make her wait like this when she stated in her letter, which was very well-written she thought, that this was an imperative, urgent- and all those other words that meant the same thing she could not think of right now in such a distraught state- meeting!

“Finally I find you,” A very relieved, and yet horribly annoying Bulgarian voice said from behind her. Cho swept around and saw the dark haired Bulgarian man looking just as awkward and uncoordinated as he always did on the ground. Her small hands clenched into fists, and tears threatened to spill already from her dark brown eyes. Didn’t he realise how upset she was having to wait and thinking that he had abandoned her to a life as a spinster forever pining for her sweet Harry?

“You’re late! I’ve been waiting for ages!”

Viktor’s dark eyebrows drew together into a defensive frown. “But you did not specify which alley you were meeting in. You just said, ‘meet me in the secret alley’- How am I supposed to know which alley that is? I had to ask directions-”

She knew it! She knew he would have to ask directions! And how dare he say it was her fault! She wrote that letter perfectly! She would not get angry though. She would be the mature one and just take the conversation back to the matter at hand.

“Well never mind that now. We have more important things to discuss, like how you and I have both been spurned by our lovers. I know you must be feeling the pain just as much as I, and so I declare an alliance to break Harry and Granger up so we can be happy again.”

“I would like my Hermyninny to be with me again.” Viktor said wistfully.

“Right,” Cho managed to say without even shuddering. She was quite proud really. “So now we need to decide what to do with Granger.”

“You mean Potter.”

“Whatever,” Cho snapped huffily. “The point is that my sweet Harry is stuck with that horrible bushy-haired bookworm, and-”

“-My Hermyninny has been tricked into being with that insane, little man.”

“There’s only thing we can do,” Cho said gravely, her voice taking on the tone of someone about to storm a great fort. “We have to set them up on a blind date.”

Viktor scratched his head, opened his mouth once or twice to speak, and then just ended up staring at her in frank bewilderment. “I don’t get it. Why are we setting them up on a date?”

“Not them!” Cho replied scathingly, wondering how it was no one ever seemed to follow her train of thought. “I mean we write them anonymous letters asking them to come on a date, but we will be the ones who greet them.”

Viktor wasn’t quite sure if this would work, but he was not blessed with great thinking skills, and had often been told in life that it was dangerous for him to think too much anyway. He nodded his head, saying in his thick Bulgarian accent, “So we shall pretend that we’re the ones meeting them, and that will separate them?”

Relieved that his fluff-stuffed head was finally catching on, Cho nodded with a brilliant smile. “Yes. Once Harry sees me there he’ll be sure to fall in love with me again and no longer care about that horrible, conniving wench!”

“Don’t call her that! Hermyninny is perfect in everyway!” Viktor snapped, looking suddenly menacing as his thick, dark eyebrows drew into one.

“I can call her whatever I like!” Cho retorted heatedly, eyes flashing and chest heaving. “She stole my Harry!”

“Well your Harry stole my Hermyninny. She was always talking about him to me, and he doesn’t deserve her at all. Plus he’s insane. Look at all the stuff they say about him in the papers.”

“He’s not insane. He’s our saviour,” Cho insisted, looking very close to tears.

Viktor rolled his eyes and said that he didn’t believe her. Cho then got very worked up and declared she was not going to help him at all if he was going to be disagreeable like this.

They continued on in this fashion for a while, neither of them noticing that another person had attended their ‘secret meeting’ and was now making his own plans. Neville Longbottom, short, round-faced, and horrendously forgetful, had somehow lost Trevor while walking to Madam Malkin’s. His hopping little friend had led him down the maze-like alleyways to this very spot, and upon finally finding his wandering toad, familiar voices had drifted to his ears making him pause and listen.

It seemed the unlikely duo were planning to split Harry and Hermione up, but Neville knew his two friends were not even together, which made him wonder why Cho and Viktor cared so much. That got him thinking though… what if instead of splitting them up like Viktor and Cho wanted to do, he brought them together? For all that people thought him stupid, Neville was rather observant when he wanted to be, and he had seen that Harry and Hermione had a thing for each other- just as Cho and Viktor obviously had seen too. The more Neville thought about the idea the more he liked it, but there was just one problem: he couldn’t do it alone.

“There’s only one person who can help.” His stomach did a funny wobble at the thought of talking to her, but she was the only girl he could think to go to. Maybe that was because she was the only girl he thought about anyway…

Some time later, panting and leaning on his knees for breath, Neville stopped in front of an attractive young woman with mischievous brown eyes and bright red hair, though she was not facing him, and in fact hadn’t even noticed him yet. She was sitting at her secretary’s desk in the Auror department, humming and rocking her head back and forth as the Wizarding Wireless played a catchy tune, while scribbling down notes for her boss. He felt butterflies flutter in his stomach at the mere sight of her until he felt positively sick with nerves, and for one wild moment considered just running away and giving up on this endeavour altogether. That was not possible though, and summoning all the courage he had he took a step forward.

“G-gi-gin-”

“Ginny!”

Neville swallowed and turned at the sound of the new voice, seeing Luna come walking over holding what looked like a giant plant with long pink tentacles in her arms. Her dirty blonde hair had been tied up in a loose ponytail, and her big blue eyes that always seemed to stare at one so vacantly (which Neville found kind of creepy) were currently bright with excitement, going well with the toothy smile she was giving them. There were smudges of dirt on her face, and as usual she was wearing her favourite radish earrings and butterbeer-cork necklace.

“Oh, hello Neville,” Luna said dreamily, her eyes widening even more as they fell on him.

Ginny turned to where Luna was looking, and Neville felt his knees going weak. He had always admired Ginny Weasley since their school days, but he’d always felt she was a bit above him. She always had flowers being sent to her desk, and had no trouble at all in finding a date for the Ministry functions. Those good-looking men could talk to her with all the confidence in the world, but he seemed to just stutter and blush, or do something embarrassing thanks to his clumsy nature.

“Hello Neville,” Ginny echoed cheerfully, making him feel all mushy inside. The one thing he took comfort in was that she never pushed him away. She was always nice like that.

“Hi Ginny,” he said in the smallest of voices, feeling tongue-tied and awkward as he always did around her.

She turned back to Luna and Neville saw her lips quivering with amusement. “Luna, why have you brought that giant plant in here?”

“I wanted to show it to you. It’s a very rare plant that catches gibbity blouts with its tentacles.” Her eyes widened madly in that way which had always freaked Neville out at school. “Papa gave it to me.”

Neville stared at the plant once more and frowned. That was just a harmless, and very ordinary, pixie-trap plant. He decided to say nothing on the matter though, knowing that the dotty blonde didn’t give up in her odd beliefs no matter how much proof was against them.

“Well that’s nice Luna,” Ginny said without batting an eye-lid, “But I don’t think Mr Tibblet will really like it in here.”

Luna seemed disappointed. “Oh, well okay then.”

Neville was just wondering whether he should leave and come back to talk to Ginny later, when those brown eyes suddenly fastened back on him. “So how can I help you Neville?”

 Tugging at his collar uncomfortably and feeling his ears heating, Neville proceeded to tell Ginny about what he had heard in the alley, though very disjointedly and somewhat rapidly from nerves. She listened patiently all the same, and by the end of it graced him with a sunny smile.

“That’s a great idea! You’re absolutely right; they are perfect for each other. I can’t believe I hadn’t noticed it before!”

Luna, who had listened to the whole thing with a seemingly vacant attention, now smiled even more dreamily, saying rather whimsically to no one in particular, “Love that’s brewed never quite comes true.”

“Too right Luna,” Ginny piped in with a grin, “But this love ain’t brewed. It’s obvious the two like each other, and Neville’s right in saying all they need is a little helping hand. We just have to make sure we get in there before old broomstick head and Cho Pain-in-the-butt get there first!”

Neville nodded his head eagerly, feeling suddenly boosted by the energy the vibrant young redhead was surrounding herself with. “So what are we going to do? They’re going to write anonymous letters to get Harry and Hermione to meet them and then probably try sabotage their relationship.”

Ginny gave a wicked grin, her eyes dancing even more mischievously than usual. “We’ll let them write their letters, but we’re going to make it so both Harry and Hermione meet at the same place, and Cho and Viktor are not going to be there to interrupt.”

“How are we going to do that?” Neville asked in some trepidation.

“We’ll steal the letters and replace them with our own!”

This sounded scary now that he thought about it. What if they got caught? Looking at Ginny’s sparkling face made all those thoughts quickly die though. He’d do anything if it meant he got to spend time with her, and this had been his idea in the first place anyway.

“Okay,” he agreed. “That means we have to work out what we’re going to do quickly. I’d say Cho and Viktor have probably already written their letters by now.”

“Then we’ll just have to go watch Harry and Hermione’s cubicles and wait for those two to put their letters in before we go in and replace them with our own.”

“I would like to help too,” Luna said suddenly, her eyes just peeping over the mass of bushy green leaves. “This sounds like fun.”

Neville and Ginny exchanged amused glances, but both of them decided the more the merrier. Besides, faced with such a task as this they knew they’d need all the hands they could get.

“Alright then,” Ginny said in a business-like manner. “Let’s do this!”

Meanwhile, while all these plots and plans were going on, Hermione Granger was calmly taking a sip of her coffee while scanning the pile of reports in front of her eyes. She impatiently wiped away the strands of hair that tickled her face, and let out an impressive sigh as she moved one report to the side and then picked up another. She liked her job very much, but even the most dedicated worker got bored sometimes.

The sound of soft footsteps coming towards her cubicle made her glance up, and it was with welcome relief that she saw Harry making his way across the room. Out of all her friends he was the one she really enjoyed being around the most. He just seemed to make her feel so comfortable, and she had a particular fondness for his quiet sense of humour. He did look rather frazzled right now, however; with his black hair tousled from where she could tell he had run his fingers through it over and over, and his emerald green eyes glancing about agitatedly from behind his round-rimmed glasses.

“Hello Harry,” Hermione greeted with a friendly smile. “What brings you here?”

Harry rubbed his jet-black hair with his free hand, making it look even messier. “You wouldn’t happen to know where I put my report on that burglary case, do you?”

She shook her head. “No, but maybe Ron would know. He is in your department.”

Sighing, Harry sat down on the edge of her desk. “Never mind then. How’s work going for you? I hardly get to see you now that you’re cooped up in here with all the Law Enforcement people.”

Hermione couldn’t help but smile. She knew Harry and Ron had been a little disappointed she had not followed them in becoming Aurors, but that kind of work was just not for her. She wanted to help write and change laws to make the world a better place- not just run around catching bad guys like a bunch of super heroes. She’d leave that to the boys.

“It’s fine. I’m just trying to get through these reports.”

Harry glanced at the pile of reports on her desk and gave her a sympathetic expression. “I do not envy you,” he said with a small laugh.

She shrugged carelessly, but there was a definite strain around her eyes as she took another sip of her coffee. “I don’t mind too much.”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw his own eyes light up with that quiet gentleness he always seemed to carry. He placed a hand on her shoulder, his eyes finding hers with a tender smile on his lips.

“Don’t push yourself too hard, Hermione. Everyone knows how good you are at what you do. You don’t have to prove yourself by taking on all this work all the time.”

A small warmth crept into her stomach, her eyes meeting his with her own grateful smile. She felt like she was slipping into a warm bath on a chilly day, her body immersing itself in the gentle feelings that seemed to be bursting forth from her heart. It was such a simple action- such simple words- but there was just something about they way he said them; something about the way he would smile at her with that gentleness in his eyes…

“Watch where you’re going, Krum!” A very familiar voice snapped grumpily from outside the office area. Hermione looked past Harry, spotting her other best friend Ron Weasley coming towards her with a scowl marring his normally good-humoured face.

“What’s that smarmy git doing hanging around your department, Hermione?” He demanded, ever the graceless and unmannered person that he was. Hermione only sighed and shared a significant look with Harry, both of them silently agreeing it was high time Ron got over his jealousy with Viktor Krum.

“I don’t know, Ron. Why don’t you ask him next time instead of coming in here to bite my head off about it?”

“Who said I was biting your head off? I just asked you a question!”

“It’s the way you say things. Why don’t you try thinking before you speak next time.”

Harry sighed and stood up, realising this was soon going to escalate into another argument. He wondered if these two would ever stop their bickering. More than likely not, he thought with a snort, and then glanced back at Hermione.

“I’ll see you later then. I’d better go find that report.”

Hermione nodded, and Harry could still hear them bickering as he left the department area. He frowned when he noticed the duck-footed, round-shouldered Bulgarian pacing up and down in the hallway muttering in rapid Bulgarian to himself. He didn’t much care about Viktor Krum, but even he had to admit it was rather odd to see the guy lurking around here and muttering like a lunatic.

“Is there something wrong?” Harry asked hesitantly, wondering what on earth could be troubling the man.

Viktor jumped and shot wary eyes at Harry’s way, muttering even more in Bulgarian before he walked off down the hallway. Thinking that was rather odd, Harry decided there was nothing he could do about Krum’s strange habits, and continued on his way back to his own department.

“We must do this now!” Viktor said firmly, surprising his conspiring companion by his sudden flash of decisiveness, as he slammed his hands down on her desk, disrupting the flowers and open bottle of nail polish that had been resting on it.

Cho took a small breath and placed her nailbrush back in the pot of nail polish before giving a grumpy look at her partner in crime. “Do you really have to make a big scene like this? You just spilt water and nail polish all over my desk.”

“How can you talk about nail polish when my Hermyninny is being bewitched by that four-eyed deceiver!”

That soon had Cho paying attention, and gripping her quill tightly in her fingers she stared at the tall Bulgarian in alarm. “They were talking again?”

“Yes! I saw him making sheep eyes at her and smiling in that stupid way.”

Cho placed a hand over her heart. “I remember when he used to smile at me like that…” Her expression darkened suddenly, and she narrowed her eyes at her companion. “You’re right. It’s time to put our plan into fruition. We must plant those letters!”

Viktor nodded his head, relieved that his burst of inspiration only had to last for that long. He was beginning to get a headache from thinking too much.

Cho stood up and beckoned for him to follow her, she holding her envelope, while he held his. They made their way down the hallways, only splitting up once they separated to plant the letters on their desired loved one’s desks.

Viktor nervously clutched the letter tighter in his sweaty fingers and peered into the Law Enforcement Department. He was relieved to see that Hermione and that irate redheaded man were no longer there, and quickly made his way over. Giving a surreptitious glance around the room, he dropped the letter on her desk and then made his way back out of the room as quickly as he could.

Cho met with similar success in her endeavour to plant the anonymous letter, having the happy luck of getting to the office just when it was lunchtime when everybody was off having their break. She wasted no time in depositing the letter, and like Viktor left the room as quickly as she could.

They met once more down the hallway and gave a single nod. The deed was done, and now they would just wait- or so they thought….

A/N: Well there’s the first chapter, folks, and the next will be where the real fun will come in. I do know that I have made Cho and Viktor terribly OOC, but I have more fun with them this way…