Disclaimer: Everything you recognise belongs to JKR.

It was official. The world was full of idiots, or at least that was all Draco could think as he watched the fat walrus man shaking him warmly by the hand and congratulating him for saving their dear Ginny. Ginny herself seemed unable to stop the smug smile on her face, clearly feeling superior by the fact that she had been right and Draco had been wrong. It wasn’t his fault though; how was he supposed to know how stupid some people could be?

“Mr Malfoy you have done us a great service- a great service indeed. We’ll even give you a medal if you like.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Draco responded coolly, trying hard to pull his hand away from the over energetic man who was still shaking it a little too fervently. There was nothing Draco disliked more than toadeaters and over-enthusiastic people who were too cheery for their own good. This walrus man was both.

“Well if not a medal, then how about some lunch? As head of the Auror department I can get some good deals.” He winked and nudged Draco in the arm- who stared down at him as if he were a particularly disgusting bug.

Sensing that Draco was not joining in his enthusiasm, the walrus man cleared his throat and turned to Ginny, who Draco assumed the man thought would be much more receptive. “My dear, your father will be so happy to hear of this. We were all worried that the nasty Death Eater would kill you.”

‘How in Merlin’s name did such an imbecile become head of the Aurors?’

“Well as you can see I am perfectly okay, and Draco here was the one who made it possible. He saved me.” She beamed brightly to add effect, making the walrus man beam back in response.

“So I’ve heard, and what a hero he is!”

Draco tried hard not to roll his eyes and inwardly sighed. It was impossible to feel anything but contempt for someone who believed such improbable rubbish, and also for the woman now wreathed in smiles who had made up said rubbish. They were both as stupid as each other, and for what seemed the hundredth time Draco had to wonder why he had agreed to this.

Sending a glare at the vivacious redhead next to him, Draco mentally willed her to stop this meeting before he had to suffer from a brain explosion. The sheer idiocy that seemed to ooze of the fat man before him with the twitchy moustache was horrendously unbearable, and the more he stayed in his presence, the more Draco felt his body itching to jump out a window, or strangle the smiling man before him- not a very good impulse to be sure.

“Yes, well thank you Herman, but we really have to go,” Ginny said firmly, obviously taking the hint that Draco was about to get rather tetchy.

“Oh of course!” Herman beamed again at both of them, holding his arms out in a wide gesture. For one horrible moment Draco thought the man was going to hug him, but instead Herman brought his hands together in a very loud clap and rubbed his fat sausage fingers together in excited delight. “Lots to do. Lots to celebrate.” He winked again at Draco, who simply gave Ginny a look as if to say, ‘you’ve got to be joking.’

“Right, lots to celebrate,” Ginny piped in and grabbed Draco’s arm in a surprisingly strong grip for someone so short. “Let’s go then, Draco.”

She smiled sweetly at Herman and then ushered Draco out of the room, who was more than relieved to see the back of the hideously, stupid man. Dropping his arm, Ginny snatched an apple from one of the desks littering the Auror office and took a hearty bite. Still crunching the apple, she grinned happily at him, blissfully unaware of the chunk of apple stuck to her lip. Draco didn’t see fit to tell her either, gaining far more delight in her not knowing than if she did.

“That went well, don’t you think?” She mused out loud with a self-satisfied smile on her face. “And you were wrong; people did believe my version of the events.”

Draco could only roll his eyes. “That’s nothing to be proud of, Weasley. That guy was an idiot, and I told you only an idiot would believe it.”

Ginny shrugged and tossed the bitten apple into the bin, still with the bit stuck to her lip. Draco watched it wobble as she licked her lips, but it clung desperately to her face and refused to be removed.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said frankly, gesturing for him to follow her down the hallway with one freckled hand. “The fact is that he believed it, and so did everyone else who heard it. You should be grateful. You could still be stuck in that mouldy flat getting drunk and kidnapping innocent females after all.”

“I don’t know which is worse. Living in that flat or being stuck with you…”

“I resent that!” Ginny declared indignantly, placing her hands on her hips. “I’ve done nothing but try help you. You could at least pretend that you’re grateful.”

Draco watched the precarious bit of apple threaten to fall again, but once more its sticky powers astounded him by holding fast. His lips twitched in amusement, and he had to try hard not to snicker at the absurd picture she was making right now.

“Are you laughing at me?” she snapped, making the apple piece wobble all the more precariously.

Draco was saved the trouble of answering as a batty female of uncertain age popped out from one of the desks and stared at Ginny reprovingly, her very ugly and battered glasses flashing in front of beady, brown eyes that were narrowing with irritable dislike.

“Do you mind?” she said in a voice layered with disapproval, looking haughty and superior as all batty females did when able to tell off someone younger than them.

Ginny, ever the graceless and unmannered woman that she was simply raised an eyebrow. “Do you mind? I am having a conversation here.”

The woman puffed up her pouchy cheeks like a blowfish and let out a great breath that was heavily laden with shock. “Obnoxious girl, do you have no respect for your elders?”

Draco looked to Ginny to see what her reaction would be. This could be entertaining. He hoped that they ended up fighting. It was always so much more amusing to be a spectator to a fight after all, and both looked primed and ready. Draco was putting his money on Ginny, though he did think the elderly woman had some backbone to her. No doubt she’d spent many years preparing herself in becoming the battiest woman to work at the ministry. She was probably a spinster too, and everyone knew spinsters were bitter old women who had nothing better to do than to make everyone else’s lives miserable too.

“I don’t have respect for old battalacks like you, if that’s what you’re asking. Who do you think you are popping up over your desk like a jack-in-a-box to place your over-large nose in other people’s business? I don’t care if you’re old or not, you’ve got not right to nose in on us like this!”

Swivelling his head back to the woman, Draco got there just in time to see her fish-like face puff up even further, her eyes bulging grotesquely behind her ugly glasses, and her lips vanishing into her piggy cheeks. He started to fear that she might have an apoplectic fit, and wondered if it would be better to take Ginny away. As amusing as it was to see the woman look like she was about to explode, it would also be rather inconvenient to clean up the mess afterwards.

“Well I never!”

“Well I just did.”

Snickering slightly, Draco tugged at Ginny’s arm to draw her attention away from the now fuming old woman. “C’mon, leave the poor lady alone before you give her a heart attack.”

Ginny cast a dark glance at the woman, and Draco realised with triumph that the apple chunk was still stuck to her face. What a happy little apple chunk, so carefree and blessed to have found a person who was too idiotic to realise there was food stuck to her face so that its lifespan could continue so cheerfully. It really was quite lucky, having missed being crunched to pieces by sharp teeth, and now had survived the battle of the spinsters.

“She’s not worth it anyway, the miserable old bat,” Ginny muttered and stalked off towards the elevator, Draco trundling much more placidly behind. He had discovered that being around Ginny was rather amusing- of course all of it was at her expense, though she wasn’t to know that. Perhaps letting her help him would not be so bad after all? At least he’d never get bored…

Folding her arms huffily, Ginny tapped her foot and impatiently waited for Draco to enter the elevator. Once the silver doors slid shut, Draco had the sudden impression he’d been locked in with a wild animal. He glanced at Ginny and half expected horns to sprout from her head. The woman’s temper was obviously as fiery as her hair.

“So what are we doing now?” he asked after a moment of silence, warily casting a glare up at the memos having paper battles above his head. At least they weren’t owl droppings, but their incessant flapping was just as irritating.

“Now?” Her expression changed dramatically from fuming to smiley, and Draco suddenly wondered if he was in fact stuck with a mad woman. Her emotions seemed to switch like a badly tuned muggle television, and he was just waiting for the static energy to start buzzing around her.

“Now we go to my flat and get you situated, and after that it’s tea with my family.”

“Your flat?” Surely he had not heard her correctly. Had she just said her flat, as in her home? Was she really expecting him to live with her in her weasel hovel?

“Yes, Draco, my flat. I assure you it’s quite comfortable, and you’ll have your own room…” She trailed off, seeming to realise that Draco was not getting as excited about this idea as she was. Indeed, his expression resembled more of a hopeful disbelief that she was about to shout ‘April fools’ even though it wasn’t April, and he had never supported the tradition anyway.

When she didn’t say anything more and continued to stare at him like a puppy that had just been kicked off the bed, Draco realised with resignation that she had not been kidding. She really wanted him to live with her, though he was not sure why. Then again, he supposed he was excessively handsome, and he enjoyed his own company so surely she must too.

“Weasley,” he began as nicely as he could to someone who was clearly off her rocker. “I appreciate you clearing my name and wanting to help me get a job, but living with you? It’s just not practical.”

It was absurd that was what it was! He couldn’t live with that- that thing! She’d drive him insane no matter how amusing she might be in her own idiotic way. She was as graceless as she was nosy, and the old bat had been right, she was terribly obnoxious.

“Well why not? I promise not to interfere in your personal life, and you know it’s got to be better than the smelly place you were staying in before.”

‘Not interfere? Yeah right.’

“Weasley, we barely know each other.” Draco pointed out reasonably. “Don’t you think people would find it odd we were suddenly living together?”

Ginny continued to stare at him, and Draco began to wonder if her brain was really just made of fluff. Surely she must realise that this just wouldn’t work? If they didn’t end up killing each other, he knew they’d end up killing themselves, not to mention the big fuss her family and friends were bound to kick up when they found out.

“I don’t see what it has to do with anyone. You can’t go back to that flat, and you don’t have the money to go anywhere else. The only safe option is to live with me, and since I’ve taken it upon myself to take care of you, it’s perfectly logical.” She situated a hand on her well-formed hip, and raised an eyebrow as if daring him to question her thoughts. Somehow Draco found himself quite at a loss for reply when meeting those bossy brown eyes, and simply nodded his head.

Ginny beamed, reminding Draco of one of those cheesy presenters that could summon an eye twitching smile in mere seconds, which seemed to envelope her whole face to become a blinding mass of shiny teeth.

“I just know we’re going to get along perfectly,” she confided artlessly, leading him out of the elevator towards the disapparation point.

“Oh yeah, just perfectly,” Draco muttered sarcastically, privately wondering what he had condemned himself to.

The weasel hovel turned out to be much nicer than he had expected. Sure there were the odd photos of other Weasels that he would rather not have to look at, and sure the knitted coverings on the back of her squishy couches and armchairs reminded him of something he would find in his spinster Aunt’s living room, but all in and all it was quite cosy. There was something he really did not like though, and that was the very pampered and fat white cat snuggled up on a multi-coloured woollen blanket that Draco knew Ginny had knitted herself, its green eyes watching Draco with human-like sharpness as it flexed its decidedly sharp claws. He’d never felt so scrutinised before in his life.

“Well this is it,” Ginny said brightly, plonking some grocery shopping they had just bought on the floor. “Do you like it?”

Draco tore his eyes away from the snobbish cat and met her gaze, all ready to share his sentiments on what he thought of her taste of décor, but seeing the somewhat hopeful gleam in her eyes made the words die on his lips. She was making it very difficult for him to be his usual biting self, though he couldn’t really place why. Perhaps it was because those big, soulful brown eyes were staring at him so expectantly, just like a naive puppy expecting to be congratulated for bringing a ripped shoe to its owner, or maybe it was because that cat was staring at him in a way that reminded him horribly of his own mother- either way Draco ended up forcing a tight-lipped smile at his hostess.

“It’s nice, he managed to say finally, earning an approving smile from the lazy cat. This woman and her cat were going to be the end of him he was sure. Soon he’d be joining them on frosty nights to knit elf hats like that ridiculous Hermione Granger used to do. Perhaps that was where Ginny had taken the habit to knit from- the two had been friends at school after all.

“I’ll just put these away. You can have a look around and get yourself settled. My parents will be expecting us at 6pm.”

“Do I really have to meet your family too?” Draco asked in a long-suffering voice, as he examined a television remote that had its own knitted, tartan cover. She must really get bored to find the time to knit so many useless, and to be frank, quite hideous objects.

“Yes you do!”

Draco said nothing, his attention wandering to the closed doors leading off to what he supposed were other rooms of the small flat. He opened the door closest to him, which turned out to be a closet. Boxes were piled up precariously on the other, and old spell books could be seen half falling apart on the bottom. Closing the door again, Draco made his way to the next door that was soon revealed to be a bathroom on opening. There was nothing extravagant about it, but he couldn’t help but give a delighted smile at seeing a nice bath that looked very tempting. That was certainly a step up from the grotty shower that had graced his own decrepit flat, and he made a promise to himself to soak in that bath before the night was out.

Leaving the bathroom, he then found the toilet, which was just an ordinary toilet, though he did note with some amusement yet another woollen cover that was sitting on the toilet seat. The house was beginning to remind him of a rather fascinating tea cosy.

Closing that door, Draco came back into the main part of the flat, which was the living room and kitchen combined, and could hear Ginny still bustling about as she put shopping away. She was humming something to herself that sounded suspiciously like a muggle song he had heard a few times while in muggle London, and when she started singing ‘I’m bringing sexy back’, he knew it was the same song. The real singer had a horribly feminine voice, and Draco had not believed it was a man called Justin Timberlake when his friends had told him so. It was just impossible!

Ginny continued to sing, and finding himself somewhat curious, Draco took a peep into the kitchen and smiled in amusement as he caught a glimpse of Ginny wiggling her bum in a rather odd dance as she balanced an assortment of fruit in her arms. Deciding she was much happier dancing her odd dance and singing her odd song than for him to interrupt her, Draco made his way to the last two unexplored doors. The cat on the seat glared at him as he reached for the door handle, but Draco ignored the accusing glare and opened the door anyway, getting a brief glimpse of a very yellow room before the door was slammed hard on his vision.

“Don’t go in there! That’s my room!” Ginny exploded, standing very angrily before him with her arm on the door to protect its sacred hallows.

Now he was dead curious to find out why he could not go in there. Was she possibly hiding some sordid secrets in her sunflower room? Or was she simply one of these odd females that had to be secretive in order to hide the very boring lives they actually lived so as to make themselves seem somehow more interesting? Judging by her fascination with knitted coverings Draco judged the latter to be more correct and took a step away from the door.

“Sorry.”

“So you should be. I never told you to go in there, geez. Some people,” she muttered more to herself in a huffy voice. “You invite them into your home and then they just run amok and start snooping into everything…”

She continued on in this fashion as she went back into the kitchen, and Draco decided it would be wise to make a hasty retreat to the last unexplored door which he guessed must be his bedroom. He was pleased to find there were no knitted things in here. In fact, the room was completely bare except for a bed and a simple dresser. He doubted anyone had ever ventured to live in the room, and hearing his soon-to-be-flatmate start singing rather cringe-worthily again, he understood why.

Sighing, Draco collapsed on the bed and stared up at the roof. When he’d gotten drunk yesterday he’d never thought he’d end up kidnapping the only female Weasley and then somehow being conned into coming to live with her. He really had to give credit to her for managing to manipulate him into doing what she wanted, but that didn’t also stop the wonderment of just why he was letting himself be manipulated like this in the first place. Maybe he’d really just been waiting for something like this to happen, and so had decided to just go along with it? It wasn’t like his life had been terribly exciting or filled with grand hopes for the future. He was just a drunk living in a shack that stunk of mould.

“I suppose it could be worse,” Draco mused to himself.

Ginny walked into the room and threw some clothes at him. “Get dressed into those. You’re not going to my parents’ home looking like a ragamuffin.”

Draco eyed the clothes warily, but they seemed decent enough, if a little muggle-ish. Examining the casual jeans, he frowned as he ran his fingers over the soft material. “Remind me why I’m going to your home again?”

“Because it’s my birthday, and every year I’m expected to go over there and have dinner with them.”

“I thought you were joking with that.” He laughed slightly, but Ginny did not laugh with him.

“Why would I lie about something like that? Tell me Draco, what single woman could possibly delight in the fact that she’s just turned twenty-five?”

Draco shrugged and pulled off his robe so that he was just in his tatty looking pants. “I don’t know, Weasley, you tell me. I still don’t see why I have to go to your parents’ house though. If it’s your birthday I’ll just be in the way.”

“Are you kidding?” Ginny exclaimed suddenly, her eyes flashing with frustration. “I can’t stand going there. All my mum does is give me these pitiful looks and tell me that I should have married Harry because I’ll never find another guy like that, while Dad goes to sleep in the rocking chair and snores loudly until the night is over. My siblings take great delight in asking me to look after their pooping smelly babies, as if I should be happy to look after something that can expel disgusting matter in three different places; and their wives, who are supposedly my friends, just ask me why I haven’t had a date in years and that I should get a move on, as if I can just click my fingers and make a handsome, rich guy fall out of the sky who’s madly in love with me!”

“But I still don’t see why I have to-”

“-Oh quit your whinging!” Ginny snapped grumpily, placing her hands on her hips again. “You’re going and that’s that. If I have to suffer my family, than so do you!”

Draco decided it would be time to accept defeat. She was getting rather hysterical, and who knew what she might do to him if he kept saying no. “Fine, I’ll come, but Weasley-”

“Yes?”

“Do you mind leaving the room so I can get dressed?”

Ginny’s cheeks flushed with pink, but she left the room all the same. Draco slipped off his pants and got into the clothes Ginny had thoughtfully provided, though he did wonder where she had got them.

His thoughts trailing back to the upcoming dinner, Draco had to wonder if what Ginny said was true. He snickered to himself quietly.

“That’s a spinster in the making…”

Suddenly he heard a screech and listened intently to find out what had upset the volatile redhead now. Footsteps came thudding back and the door burst open once more, where a very irate and red-faced Ginny now stood.

“Why didn’t you tell me I had apple stuck to my face?” She demanded, looking quite mortified. “I’ve been wandering around with this stuck to me for ages!”

Draco burst out laughing as she wiped the apple from her face with a dark scowl at him, and found it very difficult to stop for a long time afterwards.

And so the adventures of the apple chunk ended, and Draco was soon nursing a new bruise on his arm as the two headed off to her family’s home for her birthday dinner.