Chapter 1

“Maybe you should lie down for a bit, love…” Harry Potter suggested to his yawning wife.

Hermione leaned against the kitchen cupboard and rested an arm over her swollen midriff. “I’ll be…I’ll be… fine,” she said smothering yet another yawn. “We can just make it an early night.”

Harry came around the counter to where she was standing. He extended his arms to hold her, wrapping them around the precious bulge. She laid her head back against his shoulder. “I think The Alien would prefer Mummy to rest…”

Hermione chuckled. Ever since Harry had scene the ultrasound pictures, he’d called the baby, ‘The Alien,’ much to her dismay. “I wish you wouldn’t call him that…we chose the name Adrian, not Alien,” she scolded.

“I worry about you…” he sighed.

“Why? We are finally going to have what we’ve always wanted…”

“I want you,” he stated. “The rest is just extra stuff...icing on the cake…a bonus spin…”

Hermione smiled. Harry had been so understanding and truly wonderful through her desire for a baby. He wanted that, too, she knew, but his concern after three miscarriages and one stillbirth was that they wanted the impossible. “I want it all, my love. I want to give you what you’ve been missing your entire life. I want you to have a family of your own.”

“I have that already, though. I’ve got you…” he explained looking into her eyes. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m thrilled over The Alien, but the world won’t end if it’s not meant to be.”

“Don’t talk like that,” she scolded. “Think positive thoughts. Tell Adrian that you can’t wait to meet him.”

Harry came around in front of her, kneeled and spoke to her tummy. “Just think of the fun we’ll have when you are ready to join us. There’s toys to be played with and stories to tell you…just sort yourself out in there. We’ll be waiting for you.” He looked up at his wife with a smirk. “Better now?” he asked. She smiled and nodded. “He still looks like an alien…”

With much protesting Hermione agreed to lie down until Harry had dinner ready. She waddled up the stairs and into the bedroom. As she drifted off to sleep, she felt the comforting kicks and jabs of her son letting her know he was there.

The following days were a flurry of activity. Hermione felt more energetic than she had in months. Upon returning from her job at the Ministry, she rearranged the nursery for the twelfth time.

Harry laughed upon seeing her efforts. “You do know that this is the way it started originally, don’t you?”

“It’s perfect,” she declared for the twelfth time.

“Dinner is served, Milady…” he said with a graceful bow.

“Why, thank you, Knave,” she teased before following him from the room.

“We should charm the stairs,” she said as she reached for the butter dish. “I don’t want Adrian to fall…” She buttered her roll and took a large bite.

“I’m sure we have time for that once he’s settled in,” Harry answered.

“We can’t be too ready, though,” she responded. “After all we’ve been through; I’m leaving nothing to chance.”

“I’ll take care of it once I’ve done the dishes,” Harry answered.

“It’s my turn for dishes, love,” she corrected him. She reached for seconds of broccoli.

“You didn’t sleep much last night, plus the nursery…shouldn’t you rest?”

Hermione laughed. “I can’t rest now. There’s too much to do…Honestly, Harry, I feel fine. Let me do my share. I’m not an invalid…”

Harry made a face at her before returning to his roast beef. “No, but you are carrying our son. Just don’t overdo, alright?”     

After dinner, Hermione washed the dishes, scrubbed every surface in the kitchen and then tackled the living room. At last she joined Harry in bed. She went eagerly into his arms. He kissed her gently before moving on to nibble her ear, her neck. His hands rubbed gently at her aching back. Once she was mewling, he ventured further and massaged her breasts. “Harry, we can’t…”

“I know,” he whispered n her ear.

“I’m sorry…” she replied.

“Don’t be,” he murmured. “I don’t want to take any more chances than you do. Besides those ‘other things we could do’ that you mentioned haven’t been exactly torturous…We’ll have our time again once The Alien is born…well, eventually, I suppose…”

“For now, just let me take care of you,” she suggested as she slid her hand into his pajama bottoms. “Once the baby is born, you’ll most likely feel neglected, so let me do this, alright?”

Hermione was up early the next morning scrubbing floors and cleaning without the aid of magic. By the time Harry had risen, the house was immaculate. “It looks fantastic, love,” he praised as he looked around the drawing room. “I can’t believe you got so much done! Why didn’t you wake me?”

Hermione giggled. “I wanted it done correctly…” she teased.

Harry gave her a feigned pout. “I’ll have you know that I know brooms are made for more than flying…I kept Aunt Petunia’s house on holiday...and garden and laundry. If I’d done a bad job, it was no dinner.”

“You poor dear…” she responded, “let me make you some breakfast.” As she passed by him on her way to the kitchen, he reached out and pulled her into a warm embrace.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked.

“I believe I’ve come into the ‘nesting syndrome’ of my pregnancy. It’s a normal occurrence. I’m fine. It just means that Adrian will be here soon…” She looked at his face. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Er...like… how soon?” he asked with an obviously panicked tone.

“Possibly today…tomorrow…the day after, why? Did you finally sort out that we are having a baby?” she laughed.

“Well, I knew obviously, but I’ve been trying so hard not to get my hopes up again that it’s kind of slipped up on me that this is real…” His expression was one of awe.

Hermione placed his hand against her tummy and whispered, “It’s real…”

The baby kicked against his hand. Harry felt dizzy with emotion. “We’re really having a baby…”

Hermione opened one eye at the first cry. “Can you get him, Harry? I’m just so tired….” She’d attempted nursing when he was first born. Her milk supply hadn’t been enough to keep an ant alive, so at Doctor Matthews’ suggestion, she gave it up.

Harry got out of bed to see to their two month old son. Once Adrian was fed and in a clean nappy, Harry returned to his wife. “Are you alright?” he asked gently. Tears rolled down her face as she rolled away from him. He laid a hand against her arm. “Can I get you something?”

“No,” she replied attempting to hide her tears. “I’m fine….” He snuggled up against her and felt her stiffen at his touch. With a sigh, he moved back to his own side of the bed.

When Harry returned from work that evening, he found his wife still lying in bed. He schooled his face into a false smile. “Hi. How was your day?” he asked softly.

“Fine,” she answered with a shrug.

“Did you get some rest?”

“What do you mean by that?” she snapped.

Harry was taken aback by her words, but carefully said, “You’ve said you were tired…”

“I am…just please leave me alone….” She threw the blanket over her head.

Harry went into Adrian’s room and peered into the cot. He smiled at his sleeping son and walked quietly out of the room. He headed into the kitchen where he prepared a few bottles and started supper. He pointed his wand at the enormous pile of laundry. As the clothes hopped into the machine, Harry folded the ones he’d washed the night before, once again astounded that a person so small could generate so much.

He took a tray with two plates up to the bedroom. “Hermione? Love?” I’ve brought dinner…”

“I’m not hungry…” was the response.

“I’ve made your favorites,” he coaxed. “Steak, sautéed vegetables… even blueberry crumble…just a bit?”

“No, Harry, please. I’m just not hungry…”

Harry stood and went back to the kitchen to eat in solitude.

A week later Harry was surprised to see Hermione with a smile on her face. He took Adrian from her so she could take off her robes. Adrian was sleeping peacefully.  “Doctor Matthews was very thorough today,” Hermione began. “Of course he always is, of course, but it seemed like he took extra time for us. I had so many questions…He just answered them patiently. He told me about some new procedures they are trying for women who have trouble conceiving, like I did. He was so nice, Harry…”

“So Adrian is doing well, is he?” Harry asked. The smile fell from her lips.

Hermione snorted. “Why wouldn’t he be? Do you have so little faith in my abilities as a mother?”

“You didn’t say, did you?” Harry responded. “You are the one with the doubts, Hermione, not me….never me…”

Hermione drew a deep breath. “Look, I don’t want to row…”

“Nor do I,” he answered. “It’s really great to see you smile. I’ve missed it…Is there any particular reason?” Harry looked at her trying in vain not to look hopeful.

A dreamy wistful expression crossed her face. “No…nothing specific. But Doctor Matthews wore his blue tie…It truly brought out the blue of his eyes…”

Adrian squirmed in Harry’s arms, readying himself for a good cry. “I see. Shall I feed Adrian, then?”

Hermione waved a hand thoughtlessly. “I’m going to bed,” she stated. “It’s been a long day…”

Harry nodded and carried the shrieking infant into the sitting room. Summoning a bottle, he drew his wand and touched it lightly to the bottom to warm it gently. He offered the tip to Adrian, who drank greedily.

Once Adrian was bedded for the time being, Harry approached his wife. “Want to talk?” he asked.

“What about?” she asked taking the blanket from over her face.

“What’s going on? I miss you…I miss my wife…”

“Honestly, Harry! I’ve just had a baby. If you were that hard up for sex….” She sighed heavily. “Just have at it then…” She raised the corner of the blanket in invitation.

“It’s not that…well maybe partially, a tiny bit, of course…what’s happening? I feel you drawing away from me…from Adrian…”

Hermione looked at him trying to read his face. Seeing nothing but concern she began speaking, “I feel numb. I feel overwhelmed by this grief…I should be happy, but I’m not…I feel…unable to cope.”

“What can I do to help?”

Tears rolled down her cheeks. “Don’t you see? This isn’t about you…not everything is about you…” Harry opened his mouth to protest. She continued before he could say a word. “I need to worry about me for a bit. Please at least try to understand…”

“I’ve been trying, Hermione. Surely you must see that? I want to help you…”

“You can help me most by leaving me be…I don’t need your pity or your guilt trips.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want? Maybe it would be better if you returned to work…give you something to concentrate on…”

“I’ve left my post…I can’t go back there…not now.”

“Oh,” Harry replied. “What if we got someone to come in a help with the baby…to give you time to sort things out?”

“I don’t care…” she replied. “Do what you want…”

“I want whatever it is that you want. I love you…”

Hermione sighed. “Then leave me be…” She threw the blanket back over her head. Harry walked away sadly, noticing she hadn’t returned his declaration.

Months passed with no change. Hermione spent most of her time either in bed or staring out the window. “You need to eat something,” Harry coaxed. He’d noticed that her clothes were hanging off of her. “Just a few bites…”

Katrina, the young witch he’d hired to help, had made a sumptuous dinner. “I’m going out with Ron tonight,” he reminded her. “Want to come along?” Hermione shook her head and continued her gaze at the street below. “Alright. I won’t be late…”

It was many hours later when Harry staggered through the bedroom door. Hermione pretended to be asleep. She felt nauseated by the smell of alcohol on him. He scooted up close to her. She could feel how obviously randy he was.

Harry began caressing her. She stiffened. As his touch became bolder, she cringed. “Harry, please don’t….” she said when she could take no more.

“Don’t what?” he asked.

“You reek…just…I’ll go sleep in the guest room…you…just…take care of yourself however you see fit….”

“Oh, so it’s, ‘Have a nice wank, Harry,” he retorted. “I can’t be bothered anymore…”

“Please try to understand…”

“I am trying to understand, Hermione, and I can’t…”

“I just don’t want to…”

“I realize that,” he answered. “You haven’t wanted to for quite awhile…”

“You don’t know what I’m dealing with, Harry. I don’t even know. I just…It wouldn’t be right…”

“It’ll be perfect. It’s always been perfect…Maybe that’s what’s missing…maybe it’ll help…”

“I said no…”

“I’ll do anything you want me to, Hermione…I’ll conjure a stethoscope…”

Hermione felt warm with rage. “How dare you!”

Harry fell away from her as if deflated. “Alright,” he said at last. “I won’t touch you…just please don’t leave me. I couldn’t bear it…please?”

Hermione didn’t speak. She just hid her face underneath the blanket and let the tears fall. The feelings of worthlessness finally overwhelmed her. Once she was sure Harry was asleep, she crept from bed, back to her window.

The next morning, she was waiting for Harry to awaken. He opened his eyes to find her staring at him. He reached for his glasses on the nightstand and put them on. “Good morning,” he said softly.

“I’ve brought you a potion…we need to talk…”

Harry nodded and downed the foul liquid in one swallow. He felt elated that she was finally going to talk to him…maybe to let him help her.

He dressed quickly and followed her down to the kitchen. She’d made scones for him and tea. He smiled his thanks and sat down. He took a sip of his tea and looked at her. She couldn’t meet his eyes. “What did you want to talk about?” he asked.

Tears rolled down her face. He rose to go and comfort her. The look she gave him caused him to sit back down. “I need to figure this out…” she began. “The way things are is no good for me, no good for you and no good for Adrian.”

“I need to figure out what’s going on with me and I need some space to do that…” Harry couldn’t help but hear ‘space without you in it…’ in his head. His heart gave a clench before settling somewhere below his stomach. “I need some time to work through it…” Once again Harry’s brain finished the sentence for her, ‘I need time away from you…’

“I’m moving back to my mother’s house…just for awhile…”

“Please don’t leave me…I’ll do anything…”

“Harry, this just isn’t about you…I’m sorry…”

Harry sat stone-faced as he watched her leave. He noticed that she’d packed before he’d awakened and felt his heart shatter. As the fire returned to a low flame, he knew she was gone.

A cry from the nursery roused him from his misery. He gave himself a mental shake and headed back up the stairs. Once he was finished feeding the baby, Katrina arrived and took over. Harry got himself ready for work.  

His job as Auror Trainer took his mind off of his troubles. He didn’t want to return home, but knew he must. Adrian needed his parents and Harry would try to be both for him until his mum returned.

 That evening, Adrian was unsurprisingly cranky. Nothing satisfied him but being in Harry’s arms. “I feel the same way,” he said. “I miss her, too.”

Harry was exhausted by the time he crawled into bed. He’d only just closed his eyes when Adrian started to cry. Harry rose and walked to the nursery. Adrian had only slept for an hour, so Harry knew that he was only lonely. He carried the baby into his room. He cast a few spells to keep him from rolling out of bed and lay down with the infant in his arms.

Adrian whimpered and gave Harry the most pitiful look. Harry smiled at his son. “I know…” he said. Harry hummed softly as Adrian settled down. Harry looked at the clock. It was well past one. He rolled over on his side and carefully laid the baby next to him. “I’m sorry, Alien,” he said in a whisper. “I just don’t know what to do…”