Laying awake staring up at the ceiling cradling a bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhisky in his hands Harry Potter wondered just what life really had to offer him. He had at one point been The-Boy-Who-Lived, and then turned into `The Chosen One', and was now known as The-Savior-of-the-World. Harry laughed bitterly as this last thought made its way through his inebriated mind. Savior my arse, he thought, lifting the bottle to his lips and taking a long draft from it.

Harry wasn't sure exactly when he had started drinking; but he knew that it helped numb the pain enough that he couldn't feel it anymore once he was good and drunk. This was just fine with him. Pain was all he knew these days. The thought of being a Savoir drifted through his mind once more and he began to laugh bitterly at once. Yeah Saviors are just supposed to get everyone they care about killed while they destroy the big bad, he thought to himself, draining the last of the firewiskey. Standing up from the couch on unsteady legs, Harry went into the kitchen to get another bottle.

As he stumbled along, Harry noticed the already growing pile of empty bottles that was in his kitchen from his time losing himself in the alcohol. Tossing the empty bottle that was in his hands into the ever growing pile, Harry heard with just a little satisfaction the sound of the bottle smashing against the others in the pile. “Just like my life, shattered to pieces,” he said in a raspy drunken voice that sounded like it did not get much use.

In fact, Harry did not talk to too many people anymore, not even Ron. He couldn't face him after everything that had happened. The pain was still raw, like a caged animal fighting against being imprisoned. He couldn't even really remember the last time he had actually spoken to the person that was once his best friend.

As he stood pondering, a memory floated through Harry's sub consciousness, a bittersweet memory. Then suddenly he remembered why he hadn't spoken to his best friend or anyone else in more than a year.

*Flashback*

“Look, Harry, mate I know this is hard, but you can't live like this. You're going to drink yourself to death. And she wouldn't want that,” Ron said, trying to get through to the one person who had been his friend through more hard times than he could count. “I mean Ginny knew what the risks were going in. She knew what the stakes were and how high they were. But she went anyway, she went because she loved you Harry. She never thought twice about what she did. She told me the night before we left to find the rest of the horcruxes that she would do anything for you, even die.”

Harry wasn't really listening to Ron anymore. He'd been saying the same thing over and over again since the final battle. However, Ron had it all wrong. Ginny wasn't the reason he felt like this, though that wasn't to say that her death didn't have an effect on him. But it was another lose that had him in the state he was in now.

“Ron you don't understand,” Harry found himself saying. “I lost everything that day. When she died, my whole reason for living went with her.” Harry felt the beginnings of tears starting to make their familiar trek down his face and furiously wiped them away even as more followed.

“Harry, I know, but Ginny wouldn't have wanted you to go on like this. She'd have wanted you to move on with your life. Not sit here and wallow away your misery with firewhisky and muggle beer,” Ron said sounding exasperated now.

“Damn it Ron it's not about that! It's about…” but Harry stopped himself before he could continue. Ron didn't know anything about what had happened before that final battle. They were planning on telling him when it was over. However, circumstances prevented that from happening, as the girl, no woman, that Harry loved more than life itself, died on the battlefield at the hands of Lucius Malfoy. And he didn't even know it until after the battle was over when he went looking for her.

When he had found her limp body laying there his heart had shattered. His whole world had crumpled down around him. He remembered grasping her hand and repeatedly trying to wake her up, hoping beyond hope that she was alive but knowing in his heart that she was dead.

Then the sobs had come, the heavy, body racking sobs that had all but consumed him for days after. He hadn't even been able to bring himself to go to her funeral, it just hurt too badly.

“Then what…” Ron started when suddenly a look of clarity came over his face and right then Harry knew that Ron knew.

“When?” was all he said.

“The night before the final battle. We were sitting up talking by the fire in that cabin we'd been staying in. After a while we started talking about our futures. I asked her if she was going to live with you. She got very quiet. The look that came over her face was as if someone had suddenly flicked a switch and there were all these emotions passing over her face that I lost track of what emotion was what. After a while she finally turned to look at me and I saw the tears. She wasn't making any noise, they were just falling silently. When I asked her what was wrong she didn't answer at first. She just stayed quiet.

Then finally, she looked at me and said, “I don't want to live with Ron.” To say I was shocked would be an understatement. When I asked her why, she said, “Because I don't love him.” I just remember sitting there for the longest time not saying anything to her trying to decipher exactly what was going on when she spoke again.

“I don't love Ron the way I should, like a girlfriend should. I'm not really sure if I ever did but I know that I don't now. I love him like a brother and nothing more. I-I-I don't know what to do though. I'm so afraid to hurt him. I know how happy he is. But I don't want to lead him on either. Especially since…”

Again, she stopped, and again I voiced the question that was on my mind, “Especially since what?”

She looked me in the eyes then, and I knew. She didn't love you because she loved me. I didn't need to hear her say it, but when she did; it confirmed what I had seen in her eyes. “Especially since I'm in love with you,” she whispered.

I was totally dumbstruck. I couldn't figure out why she loved me. On the other hand, why she would be telling me this now. “I can't hide it anymore. Now that the final battle is here I can't hide it anymore. I want to be with you Harry. I love you so much and I've been hiding from it for so long. I just…I just want you to know that,” And that's when it happened. I don't remember consciously doing it but I do remember that all the sudden I found myself kissing her. And it felt so right. To make a long story short we spent the night in front of the fire, but made it back to our beds before you got up and promised each other that we would tell you after everything was over. Well needless to say it didn't work out that way,” Harry ended his narrative by taking another swig from his bottle of firewhisky before squinting up at Ron.

Ron for his part was standing stock still, trying to absorb the words that had been told to him. “I should have known. When she wouldn't kiss me that day I should have known,” he said finally. Somehow though he didn't feel anger towards them. Only pity, pity that they hadn't found each other sooner. Pity that she was taken from him so quickly before they could find out what it would be like to live carefree.

“Harry I…I..don't really know what to say. However, I will say that I'm not mad at you. Frankly I'm not really surprised now that I hear it. It explains a lot. I just wish you two had had more time together,” Ron said in an almost hollow voice.

Harry just continued to drink. “Well maybe it would have been better if we hadn't found each other at all. Then I wouldn't be here now would I?” Harry stated bitterly. And that's when Ron's temper had exploded.

*End of Flashback*

Harry didn't remember what the words were that were said but he did remember Ron's fist connecting with his jaw. And then passing out. When he'd woken up on the floor near his couch Ron was gone. And he hadn't spoken to him since. He hadn't spoken to anyone at all since. Each day seemed to be darker and darker. Without her there with him, without his Hermione there with him there was nothing for him. So he lost himself in the alcohol. It numbed the pain well for a while. Though it never really went away. Even when he was drunk.

Turning to the fridge Harry yanked it open and reach in for another firewhisky. As he was reaching for it he heard a sound floating in through the open window in the kitchen. It sounded like music. As Harry tried to listen closer through his drunken haze he started to hear lyrics to a familiar muggle country song. “How fitting,” he said sarcastically as he lifted the bottle of firewhisky to his mouth.

Setting down the bottle Harry went and closed the window, already tired of hearing the song. “Yea well some of us like drinking alone,” he muttered once the window was shut. Grabbing the bottle Harry went back and lay down on the couch where he had been before his trip to the fridge. Lifting the bottle to his lips, Harry felt the tears come again and this time did not bother to wipe them away.

After swallowing the mouthful of firewhisky, Harry set the bottle on the floor where he could reach. Still staring up at the ceiling Harry whispered silently, “Where ever you are Hermione, I love you. And I'm so sorry I wasn't fast enough to stop the bastard that took you from me. I'm sorry I didn't see you fighting with him. I'm sorry I didn't kill Voldemort fast enough. I am so sorry I miss you so much, Hermione. One day soon, I will be with you again. I promise.” Soon after Harry passed out and knew no more. Some time in the night, his breathing stopped for a final time. Some say he died from a broken and shattered heart. While others say, he finally lost the will to live. Whatever the reason, Harry Potter got his wish that night. He joined his love in Heaven and never had to spend another day with worries and sorrow. He had finally defeated all of his demons and for the first time in a long time, he was truly happy.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

AN: This fic was inspired by the song Nobody Drinks Alone by Keith Urban. It is the song that Harry hears when he shuts the window. I also wrote this during a very bad period recently where a lot was going on and I wrote a lot of rather depressing things. This story was one of them. My other story, “Shattered” is another. As always please read and review! I really do appreciate all your reviews!