Title: Affectionless

Author: LilPrincess48

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, the first thing I would do…. Is pinch myself because I MUST be dreaming.

Author's Note: I am soooo sorry!  This was written like a long time ago and I forgot to post it and then the summer and my mother and school’s coming up with their stupid summer homework… You know what, I’m not here to make excuses.  Just know that A)  I’m sorry, B) I’ll try to update as regularly as possible and, C) I’m working on the next chapters to Hermione’s Stalker, A Deep, Soul Connection…. Etc. 

…

Sorry!  :3

Date Begun: June 30, 2004

Date Posted: August 24, 2004  (Sorry!)




Chapter 5:  Putting the Plan into Action

Harry had a sneaking feeling that something weird was going on.

It might have had something to do with the fact that people were giggling and whispering whenever he walked by – More than usual.

Or the fact that Professor Dumbledore had just declared the set-up of a new secret-admirer service for those who wanted to convey their feelings anonymously.

Or the newest article in Inside Hogwarts:

BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER

Yes, folks, the rumors are true.  Harry Potter and Hermione Granger are BACK TOGETHER.  And not only that, rumors have it that Miss Granger has a very ‘special’ surprise for her beau.  Harry just might be ‘getting lucky’ sometime soon…

A direct quote from Miss Granger herself states:  “Parvati, you pervert!  If that’s all you’re thinking about, then I’m not telling you anything!”  There was a lengthy pause during which your favorite gossiper had to apologize profusely to Miss Granger for revealing her plans ahead of time.  “Fine.  If you must know, and this has nothing to do with Harry for Merlin’s sake, Parvati!”  Another pause and more apologies.  “Ginny and I are helping Dumbledore with the secret-admirer service, alright?  Now go away!”

Has Miss Granger set up this service specifically to apologize to Mr. Potter for whatever it is she did?  Likely!  Tune in next time for more details.

-- Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown

    Writers and Editors of Inside Hogwarts

Oh, yes, if that wasn’t a clue, he didn’t know what was.

“Ron, are you getting the feeling that Mione’s up to something?”  The redhead swallowed his mouthful of eggs and gave Harry a blank look.

“What?  Hermione’s getting off on something?”

“NO, YOU GIT!”  Harry shouted, his face bright red.  “Hermione’s plotting something.  Geez, Ron.”

Ron laughed.  “Oh don’t be so touchy, Harry.  I was just joking.  Now what’s Hermione up to?”

“I don’t know, but don’t you think this secret admirer service thing is a little too… I don’t know.  And besides, tomorrow’s the last day of the bet and—“

“And I think you think too much, mate.  Now can I eat my bloody breakfast, or do you want to contemplate the universe, too?”  Harry glared.

“Oh, please, don’t mind me.  I’m not your best friend in dire need of advice.”  Ron shrugged and went back to his food, leaving a very put off Harry to glare down at his breakfast.  A breakfast which, he noticed, was missing the presence of a very bushy haired Gryffindor.

*

“I don’t know about this, Ginny.”  Hermione said as the youngest Weasley began working on her hair.  “What if Harry doesn’t like it?  What if he figures everything out?  What if—“

“What if you shut up and let me do what you spent hours convincing me to do in the first place?  Look, he won’t figure it out.  He’ll know something’s up from the article you got Lav and Parvati to write, but he’ll be skeptical because of all the mentions of ‘getting lucky’—“

“That was going too far, by the way.”  Hermione commented.

“—And if he does get suspicious, Ron is there to sway him from thinking too much about it.  And if Ron doesn’t help much, Draco will step in to distract him with an argument.  Everybody, except Harry, knows that the secret-admirer service is for you and him alone and Dumbledore is even letting you do this.  We’ve got the entire school in on this, Hermione!  Stop worrying so much!”

Hermione sighed, brushing her fingers through her now-straight hair.  “Fine.  I just don’t want this to go badly.  I mean, I—“

“I know Hermione.  Shut up already, would you.  I’m about to do your make-up.”

*

Harry blinked as he was suddenly ambushed by a crowd of house elves dressed like cupid.  Ron had conveniently disappeared before they’d come so it was Harry alone around, surrounded on all sides by eight house elves.

Make that eight singing house elves.

“Mr. Potter, don’t be shy, send a card to your girl or guy.  Write them a letter, make them feel better, tell them you love them, forever and ever.  Mr. Potter, step right up, tell them you admire, their C-cup.”  Harry flushed.  Was everything about sex nowadays?!  “Send a letter or a card, Mr. Potter, please!” 

They finished on a high note that made Harry’s ears ring.  “Er…”

One of the house elves fished out a piece of parchment.  “Dear Er,”

“No!  Who’s Er?  I don’t… Wait-a-minute!”  He shouted at the house elf who was writing every single word out of his mouth on the paper.  “I don’t like anybody!”

“Yes you do, Harry Potter.  Dobby knows you do.”  Harry blinked as he realized that Dobby was, indeed, among the crazy house elves.  Dobby grinned.  “Dobby knows that Harry Potter is in love with a girl with blue eyes!”

“HA!”  Harry said, pointing at Dobby triumphantly.  “She’s got BROWN eyes!”

Dobby grinned toothily.  “Harry Potter just proved Dobby’s point.”

“Grr… Stupid house elves and their stupid mind games.”  Harry muttered.  “Fine.  Send a bloody letter to Hermione.”

The house elf who had been writing pulled out a new piece of parchment.  “Dear Hermione,”  And looked at him expectantly.

“Dear Hermione…”