H'm, well this is interesting overall. I do like it when an author writes a story from Hermione's perspective; even though she is my second favorite character.  Though I do hope you intend to diverge a bit more from cannon along the way.
I particularly liked Harry's action nigh the last part of chapter two; the food he brought for Hermione. I believe you genuinely captured Harry's character in that offshoot from cannon. 
As for the dream, I was glad to read some of your comments to the other readers. I would hate to think that they would only be friends by the end of seventh year. As for my two cents on the matter, I personally hope you hold off until sixth year instead of fifth year to bring them together. I would rather they be a bit more mature for that sort of thing.  Besides, if they start to have feelings for each other during fourth year then there can be all sorts of good humor during fifth year; as they struggle with those feelings and their hormones. 
Criticism:
I see you are German. I suppose that would explain the many minor composition or improper usage of words in this story? I ask that you or your editor be a bit more meticulous in the proofreading process.
Anyway, good start so far. I hope to read more in the future.
Rick
P.S. I'm glad to read that you are not a complete pervert. 
P.P.S. All I have written is my humble opinion. |
Author Feedback: Hi,
thanks for the thourough Review, I love it when people have more to say then "Like it, update soon".
This story will drift a lot from canon in later chapters, you only need a little patience. I'm going to change everything I didn't like in canon. The first mayor changes despite from the fact that there is no golden trio in my story will come in third year. There will be only two more chapters until we get there. And in these chapters there will be some little non canon scene like the one with the food on Halloween.
About the development of their relationship: Don't worry, I won't let them jumb into bed together on Harry's 15th birthday. With "anything sexual" I meant basically everything that goes further than a kiss. They won't go all the way before sixths year. My plan is that they become friends at the end of third year and start seeing each other as dating material in forth, although they won't act on it immediately. I think they'll become a couple somewhere in fifth year, but there will be funny situations, misunderstandings and struggling with hormones, I promise.
Sorry about the mistakes. I proof read every chapter and send it to my beta, but there are still some things we both miss.
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Harry85Signed | Chapter : 2 | Date : 13/11/09
Those dreams at the end seem foreshadowing the future But, if she analyzes her behaviour from the POV of the other kids, Hermione might just be able to understand WHY they treat her like that. She acts like a twenty years old, or more, amongst young kids! |
Author Feedback: Everybody seems to think the dream is some kind of foreshadowing and so some reviewers nearly squeal at the great Harry/Hermione interaction and some want to bite my head off, because Harry and Hermione aren't a couple at graduation.  I assure you it's just a dream that shows the wishes of a twelve year old girl. Yes, Harry and Hermione will become friends, but the scenes in the dream won't happen like that.
Yes, if Hermione put herself in the place of a normal eleven/twelve year old she would understand how her behaviour appears to them. But Hermione isn't able to think like that. Trust me on that, I was very much like her in my youth. She simply can't understand kids for whom their birthday party or their newest computer game (insert wizarding toy here) is more important than the next classtest. In many regards Hermione is an adult in a child's body. She's an only child and the only people with whom she could have intelligent conversation were adults. So she often thinks in adult dimensions and therefore considers her future more important than the present. I still try to take into consideraton that Hermione is still a child in my writing, although you may not notice that very often. That's why Harry and Hermione are not a couple in the dream by the way. |
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nadialtSigned | Chapter : 2 | Date : 12/11/09
I don't believe I have ever read a story that was entirely from Hermione's point of view. I am intrigued. Looking forward to the next part. |
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Ess412Signed | Chapter : 2 | Date : 09/11/09
looking forward to the next update. how are you going to write this story? are you going to do it by year or are you going to do "3 years later" kinda thing? i love it so far.
good work
keep it up |
Author Feedback: I will write about all years, but I'll go rather quick over events that aren't important for the purpose of this story. I'll tell the events in which I change important things or important canon events I want to tell from Hermione's POV in detail and cover other events in a journal style. |
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Ess412Signed | Chapter : 1 | Date : 09/11/09
i like how you're setting the story up and the fact that it's all from hermione's point of view which is pretty rare. are you going to use the cannon as a guide or not, because it seems as though you are as of now.
Anyway great work can't wait for the update |
Author Feedback: I will keep most of the canon events, but let them take a different turn. There will be one more chapter fo year one and one for year two, in which the main difference is that Hermione isn't friends with Ron and Harry. But there will be mayor changes in canon events from year three on. |
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Aww so sweet, I thought you weren't going to patch things up between them Can't wait to see till next chapter, are they still going to be in their first year? |
Author Feedback: I'm not patching anything up. Harry and Hermione won't become friends until much later. I can't let Harry be mean to Hermione though. For a while Harry's relationship with Hermione will be a little like it is with Neville: He will be nice to her and interfere when anybody is really mean to her, but he won't spend much time with her.
Yes, there will be one more first year chapter. |
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Nice start, I like it that Hermione's so forward eventhough she's just a child, but still insecure enough to wonder if she'll make friends. To the next chapter |
Author Feedback: Yes, Hermione is very smart and very determined, even as a child, but she has an insecure side, too, because she has never been accepted by her peers. I'm trying to show her vulnerable side without making her seem weak. |
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AnonymousUnsigned | Chapter : 2 | Date : 04/11/09
it was entirely sweet and sad. loved it none the less. Update. |
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MikeSigned | Chapter : 2 | Date : 04/11/09
I do hope that ending is indicative of things to come. I was so happy that Harry was there with food for her after the feast. Great job!
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Author Feedback: Harry and Hermione will become friends eventually, but you'll have to be a little patient.
If you mean the dream with "the ending": The scenes aren't moments from the future, they just show what Hermione longs for as a 12 year old. I promise that Hermione won't have a doubt about the fact that she will always be a vital part of Harry's life when they graduate. |
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AWWWWW. Hermione's dream.
And I'm glad that Harry brought her food...
Will you later explain why the troll wasn't let into the school? But hmmm, Oh... I wonder how Harry will get past the um tests for the Stone later on... |
Author Feedback: I think I won't mention the Troll, but I'll mention Snape's attempt to get past Fluffy and the fact that Quirrel wasn't at the feast. After all everybody was in the Great Hall to celebrate Halloween, a distraction wasn't really necessary. And a professor can always say he had to prepare his next lesson or he got a complaint about Peeves or something like that.
But I will explain how Harry gets to the stone. |
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kohlerSigned | Chapter : 2 | Date : 04/11/09
i like how detailed this story is and i hope you will update soon |
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gravacorSigned | Chapter : 2 | Date : 04/11/09
It's been a while. I enjoyed this chapter. I think you have done a good job at portraying what Hermione probably was going through. Between her being a muggle born and her personality it would definitely lead to exile and lonliness. When I first read the story I didn't necessarily pay attention to how bad Ron and Harry treated her and it wasn't good.
Harry bringing her food was very sweet. It showed not only that he cared at least a little but that he was observant enough to notice what little she had eaten at breakfast and that she had also missed lunch. His recognition of that is a definite start to a friendship which hopefully now will start to grow.
I enjoyed the dream at the end which seems to follow my previous sentence. It does grow and they both are heads of the school. I didn't see any evidence of them being a couple in the dream. As the years continue her dreams might want to include that possibility. That might actually be a neat thing to see how this dream modifies as her feelings towards Harry grow |
Author Feedback: Thanks for this detailed review, you captured everything I wanted to portray in this chapter. Yes, Harry is observant and he cares for Hermione and this is a good basis for their later friendship. It will take a while until they actually become friends though.
You're right, Harry and Hermione aren't a couple in her dream. Hermione is only twelve and what she longs for is friendship, not a relationship. That will change when she gets older and I plan to include a dream from time to time to show how her feelings for Harry slowly change. |
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AnonymousUnsigned | Chapter : 2 | Date : 04/11/09
I love it!!! Please keep continue!!! I want the next chapters!!!! It's so amazing!!!! I hope that you can update the story regularly. I love your story a lot (even if it just the 2 first chapters) and I want to know how it will be with Hermione after!! It's my favorite character so... Anyway, keep continue!   |
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No troll. Hmm.. at least it's nice to see them becoming friends even without it.
Cheers! |
Author Feedback: No, no Troll. Harry and Hermione will become friends (and more) eventually in this story, but don't expect their friendship to develop as fast as in the books. Harry and Hermione will really become friends in late third, maybe forth year, when they are too old to see the other one like a sibling. |
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arlithilSigned | Chapter : 2 | Date : 04/11/09
Hmm no troll =(. But that makes sense though. I liked the dreams you added at the end, though coupleless (that'll change right?) Great chapter! |
Author Feedback: No, no Troll. I just needed an excuse gto let Harry and Hermione not develop a friendship before they are old enough to not see the other as their brother or sister.
I liked writing the dreams, too, although I found the "coupleless" thing a little strange to write. Yes, that will change. I promise the real Graduation day will be very different from Hermione's dream. |
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