My only criticism is that of the format. I'm not sure if you actually intended to use the ComicSans-type font, but for me, at least, it's very overused and my eyes are rather adverse to it. I prefer the plain Verdana of most entries on portkey, so I actually had to copy/paste this into Word to change it so I could read it. I think if you're going to change the formatting that perhaps you should go with a more neutral - less loud - font. Also, there were numerous parts that needed a comma or other grammatical stop that just weren't there, so that made me wonder if this was beta'd at all.
Your content was very sweet though, and written to one of my favorite songs

HermioneRae

I love that song by Life House! It fitted perfectly with the story, which was a beautiful piece of work! I loved it and will definitely be checking out your other work!

Great! I absoulutely, totally loved it! You are a great writer!

Aww, that was so cute! I loved it! It's bloody Brilliant! You can definately see how much Harry loves her

Well thought out, very well presented. Enough background to explain what led them to this moment, but to keep the reader curious for more. A nice take on one of those quiet moments that happens to every couple who's truly in love. Nicely written, looking for to the continuation, if any.

That was a beautiful one-shot/song fic! It was descriptive and romantic and definitely sigh-worthy! Harry's musings flowed perfectly with the lyrics of the song...almost to the point that the reader feels like they are invading a private moment! Great job!
One little error - Paragraph 10 - should it read "Now though", instead of "Now thought"? Just an insignificant typo in an otherwise terrific story.

You have lovely expression, it's a shame that your words are clouded with bad punctuation and grammar. Perhaps think about investing in a Beta reader, they can help you with such things and allow your natural talent to shine through. Keep up the good work!

This story is absolutely beautiful...It seems so honest and considering that we are talking about a fantasy book it also seems very real.
Your language gives the story a very special dynamic and feeling...keep up the great work!