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The whole stay-at-Dursleys-because-you-will-be-protected-for-a-few-more-days thing in DH was just stupid. Perhaps, just perhaps, it makes sense to stick around if you get protection for a year (though personally I don't buy it--Harry seemed pretty vulnerable even with this blood ward) but for a few more days? It is just stupid, and obviously creates a window of vulnerability. |
Author Feedback: Well keep in mind that this is told from Harry's perspective, if not his point of view. There could be all manner of reasons why he has to stay longer, but Remus either doesn't know them or can't talk about them.
To use literary terminology, this is a third person limited-omniscient story. By its very nature, the reader is not inteneded to know everything. |
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Nothing further to say at this point just setting up to get chapter alerts without having to scroll through many pages. Update soon please.  |
Author Feedback: I'll try to oblige. Chapter twelve is in the works, but I've hit a spot of writer's block unfortunately. I should have a one-shot or two coming out in the meanwhile however. |
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What's this? What's with the guns that can somehow kill dementors all of a sudden? And a secret bodyguard? |
Author Feedback: This, apparently, is the least liked chapter in my story.
I explained about the Dementor-killing Glock in a previous review reply. I find it incredibly hard to believe that nothing can destroy a Dementor. The Patronus drives them away, certainly, but there is nothing in canon that can actually cause them to cease their existence. Therefore, I created my Dementor-killing Glock. It is not a normal pistol, there is only one of them, no more will ever be written by my hand, and the one that exists will only ever be associated with one character.
My creation of Aleksandr satisfies two purposes. First, it explains why Harry was never attacked by Death Eaters outside of Hogwarts or the Dursley's. Second, it allows me to explore different character personalities without turning some poor canon character OOC. |
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Author Feedback: Christina, I really appreciate how much you seem to be enjoying my story thus far. However, your reviews don't really add anything. I mean, even flames give me something to vent my frustration on and/or about.
So I must ask you, as humbly as I can manage (I'm on my knees here), to leave constructive comments in your reviews. Not only do they help me make my story the best it can be, but it's simply good taste. |
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nurraySigned | Chapter : 11 | Date : 04/04/08
Hmmm.. Iain seem a little too much of a superman. If he is that good why doesn't Iain kill all the Death Eaters and deliver a powerless Voldemort to Harry for the coup de grace.
Ok that was over stating things a bit, but Iain does seem 'too strong' at times, Harry seems almost superfluous. |
Author Feedback: He kind of is. I'm loathe to compare the two, but he acts like another Dumbledore. Alebit a Dumbledore who actually does something.
To your question, there are several possible answers. He is testing Harry's own strength, interfering only when necessary. He has his own limitations, even though he hasn't shown them yet. Destroying all the Death Eaters wouldn't provide Harry with a challenge, which is something Iain holds in high regard. Ridding the world of evil would plunge it into chaos, because no evil means there is no way to define good. All of them are equally true.
I agree, Iain is extremely powerful. However there are things he cannot do and he does have flaws, which will be introduced in due time. He isn't quite omnipotent. |
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Nice chapter with vivd descriptions.
As a matter of personal taste I skim over anything of an overtly sexual nature so I really have no comment that would be of any use to you. Though from the way it read, this is not their first time, no?
Their teachers need to be more mindful, from your descripton they will be too tired to learn anything.
There seems to be an editing error in your otherwise excellent fight scene. How can Blaise be knocked against the far wall by Iain's fireball and then immediately put a knife to Hermione's throat when you state she is suspended in the center of the room? You are doing great, just pay a little more attention to the details.  |
Author Feedback: No, it is. They haven't actually progressed to 'real' sex yet, but this was their first of many sexual encounters. If you want to know how they know how to pleasure each other, the simplest explanation is that they're just good. Slightly more complicated involves the whole 'connected on subconscious levels' cliche.
They probably should, but what they do in the mornings is vastly more important than anything they could be doing in school. If Tom kills them it won't really matter if they know how to make a candlestick do jumping jacks, will it?
Small room? Harry's a little delirious? Zabini isn't wasting his time? Take your pick. Probably could add another sentence or two in there... |
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Nice chapter, considering it felt like you were bridging between plot points. Lewis is the pename of C.L. Dodgeson. One point though, viruses do not go through stages of development. All they can do is reproduce by hijacking a cell's reproductive "machinery". You might have tried calling them a complex microscopic life forms or organisms rather than tying yourself to things that have known charastics. Since you mentioned your dialogue in your review reply notice that most of your characters do not use contractions where most people do. Keep going I'm liking this very much. |
Author Feedback: Correct! Only two people out of eleven reviews, wow.
Generally true, I believe. (Biology was never my favourite subject  ) However you must keep in mind a couple of things. First, this 'virus' is almost entirely unknown. People make mistakes, and Iain is no different. Second, and this is assuming that Iain is not making a mistake, he is talking to seventeen year olds. Virus is the simplest way to get his point across to the ones who would not understand a full explanation (and those students vastly outnumber the one who would)
Contractions, eh? I try to use contractions most of the time, unless I'm trying to stress a particular word. I'll take a look back and see what I can fix up. Thanks for the tip! |
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Not much to say about this chapter except I enjoyed it very much. Can hardly wait to see what happens to Blaise. Wonder why Hermione would be threatend by Cho Chang? Nice addition BTY. |
Author Feedback: Blaise has another few kicks left in him, I rpmise you that. But he won't get off so easily on his next escapade.
Oh, I don't know. Surely it couldn't have anything to do with the fact that she's a very intelligent witch who had one disatrous date with Harry and refuses to let go? Nah, not a chance.
But she is there for a reason, and it's one of my more beloved subplots. |
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Nice chapter. I really like your characterization of Iain Menzies, even down to the Skean dhu in his stocking.
Can't help feeling sorry for Ron, but surely he realized that as Head Boy and Head Girl they wouldn't be staying in Gryffindor tower.
Wow! Auror training sound really tough. |
Author Feedback: Glad you liked him. He'll be making some appearances hither and thither. Actually, he's quite important in many places.
Finally, someone who feels bad for Jealous!Ron without instantly condemning him. Logically he would know about it, since two of his brothers were Head Boys, but think about it. What's his greatest fear (hint: it's not spiders)? According to the locket in DH, it's that Harry and Hermione will get together and leave him out. He sees them going to a private tower, and he immediately assumes that they'll end up copulating like the proverbial rabbit he would be in their position.
Of course Auror training is though! No recruits have passed it since Tonks. But keep in mind that Mad-Eye was an Auror for almost thirty years. He had a lot of time to see these things. |
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