Omg... I cried reading this last bit. What a sad story..but true to canon.
Well done ... but i'm still sad

. . . one problem: well two.. They died together and Lily woulda gone to work too. . .

Damn Peter.... That chapter made me cry ;( Not really so much for Echo and Ari, but for Remus, Sirius, and Severus... Good chapter tho. . . I guess. . .

This, at its core, is an EXCELLENT story. The plot points, through-lines, and tropes are all there and have more potential than most pieces of unpolished fiction that I have seen. Far more. There just needs to be a lot more of polish and a lot of expansion of storyline elements, exposition, and descriptive verse. There are a lot of story gaps that could be filled (the last few chapter transitions were noticeably jarring). . . these aren't really criticisms, though, as much as they are launching pads. You have one of the most well-developed story skeletons I have ever seen, and things can only get better as more flesh is applied.

Bravo!


If you would like any help or further advice, I'd be glad to help. Let me know.

This, at its core, is an EXCELLENT story. The plot points, through-lines, and tropes are all there and have more potential than most pieces of unpolished fiction that I have seen. Far more. There just needs to be a lot more of polish and a lot of expansion of storyline elements, exposition, and descriptive verse. There are a lot of story gaps that could be filled (the last few chapter transitions were noticeably jarring). . . these aren't really criticisms, though, as much as they are launching pads. You have one of the most well-developed story skeletons I have ever seen, and things can only get better as more flesh is applied.

Bravo!


If you would like any help or further advice, I'd be glad to help. Let me know.

I liked the story till the last few chaps. Till Echo died it was brilliant. Then, you wanted to bring it back to canon, and you made it extremely unfair and angsty. Yes, they died in the books, so what? the books are done with now, we can let our minds wander in the realm of fanfic and even AU if we want, we are not bound to follow canon every time we write a story.

I still think it's not fair. Peter should have been caught and Ari freed. This would have not brought Echo back, but still, justice would have been done.

Right now I just want someone to rip Peter into thousand of pieces. If you let him be free and Ari die in Azkaban, you're mean. It's not fair and you know it.

So Ari killed Echo under Peter's Imperius? Or was it Echo who killed Ari under Imperius?

Yeah, sirius was a bit absent lately. So Peter is going to try and kill Remus? Or will he kill Ari?

So you're going to have Peter become a DE because he lost a girl to Remus?

She's a bloody tease... No, really, I understand she's confused and all, but come on, it's so easy to let yourself go...and yet she doesn't...

So even Peter got some? And Snape? Eww, that's gross!

Well, finally she's giving in like she should have since chapter one...

If I were one of the Marauders now, I'd plan a prank to put their one to shame. They deserve it, after this little stunt.