Hey friend! Just wanted to drop you a review on your story, I think it's really good and you should definitely write more!!

wow, a simple story but filled with so much love.. i like tis.. you're new author here in portkey? well good for you coz i'm sure your works will be very much appreciated.. i've been here in portkey for around two months but i haven't started writing yet,, just reading beautiful fanfictions... anyway, i really loved this..

I support h/hr!!!
Proud to be a Delusional Harmonian!!!

i really like this story..like the other writer said.."MORE MORE MORE!" lol..ok..seriously..it was really
good!

MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE! It was so great! and i want to read more...hermione..SAY YES!!!!!!!

MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE ! please WRITE MORE..HIS IS REALLY GOOD!! IT'S sO emotIoNA!L i LovE iT! it was beautiful.... *TEAR*

That was pretty good for your first one. Keep up the good work. Never give up. Hopefully you'll write again.

I think fenriswolf just wrote a solid review there. Song-fics just generally don't work because they distract readers. Perhaps you should consider having a beta reader. Or even better... You could ask one of your friends to critique your work. Good effort!

I'm not a fan of songfics; while the concept is in theory all right, i.e., using a particular song as a freamework for a story, far too often it ends up being a crutch. You will learn far more as a writer if you try and convey the same emotions with your own words.

You also really need to work on your basic writing skills. Your punctuation is flawed, your narration switches back and forth between past and present tense erraticly, and you tend to run papragraphs together. For example:

You wrote:

Harry smiled when he saw here laugh then look around as if he was in the room well technically he was outside but that's not the point. He saw her jot down a quick note and rolled it up. She started toward the window he was at so he knew it was time to go. He pulled his broom off and started to head south towards France always wanted to go there since Hermione had told him about it. He chanced one last look at her house and speed off. He was crossing over the channel when he saw something following him. He stopped and noticed that it was Hedwig. He took the letter as she perched on the tip of his broom. It was from Hermione he read what it said while floating

I would edit it as follows:

Harry smiled when he saw her laugh and then look around as if he was in the room (well, technically he was outside her window but that wasn't the point). He saw her jot down a quick note and roll it up. She started toward the window, her movement letting him know it was time to go. He pulled his broom upwards and started to head south towards France; he had always wanted to go there, ever since Hermione told him about it. He chanced one last look at her house, then sped off.

He was crossing over the channel when he saw something following him. He stopped and recognized that it was Hedwig. He took the letter as she perched on the tip of his broom. It was from Hermione; he read what it said while floating.

I changed a few words, rearranged some others, and added some much needed punctuation. It's not what a professional editor or beta reader would have done, but it should give you some idea. Good luck with your writing.

I just want to offer some constructive feedback, if I may...

Your work will flow a lot better if you just switch perspectives without writting Harry's POV, Hermione's POV. The reader will understand what has been done and writers often just switch back and forth btw POV's.
Writing it out like that, I'm sorry to say, is a sign that you don't really grasp writing techniques or that you don't have any faith in your ability to use writing techniques. In any event it breaks the cardinal rule of writing fiction.

Show don't tell.

oh this is interesting. I like Harry in this one and the song too. Please update soon. Now I am going to check out the rest of your stories.

Offfffff how sweettt, I liked it! Big surprise that... ahuahauh really, I usually don't like very much fics that don't have more conversation, but that was O.K. because it wasn't big thought!

that was a great story

i kinda put down your other stories but i think this one is great