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You are writing a very moving story; I look forward to reading all of it. Just a suggestion, when you described the scene of the bombed out cottages (good imagery there by the way) you could have used all the senses; how did it feel? How did it sound? How did it look? How did it smell? Could you taste the lingering smoke on the back of your throat? Could you feel the uneven ground churned up by displaced timber and masonry? Was there the sound of cooling embers or was there an unnatural, almost deafening silence? |
Author Feedback: Thank you very much, I'm glad you like it so far.
I agree with your suggestion as well, but I suppose I wasn't thinking of making that the focus to that extent. To some extent, yes, I wanted to describe the setting to a point where the reader could understand the damage and what a terrible place it would be to be standing in, but I suppose I didn't want to put so much focus on that.
More of Alison's emotions perhaps. I know if it were me, I wouldn't be thinking over everything I smelt, and tasted, and felt, I'd pay attention to the obvious things and after a few moments, just feel overwhelmed by it and try to get out of there as quickly as possible.
I hope that explains where I was coming from a bit more, but at the same time, I agree that if I had gotten into more detail it might have been better.
Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it, and thanks for the feedback!
-Michelle |
