Wow.. That was so hot.. Fantastic job..
I'll probably read more of this stuff later.

im just answering to your request for gramma mistakes.

this was in your last chapter. you should change make to makes. it will make more sense if you change it. i will put brackets around the word for you.

"What?" He was surprised. Once again she leaned to his ear. She took a long deep breath before she begun to speak.


"You're breathing against my neck. You know that (make) me crazy!"

youve done well considering english isnt your first language. by the way what is your first language if you dont mind me asking??

poor harry..his perfect night was slowly going down the drain there for a minute. love the story! awesome job!

that was great fun but i see that people are failing dramatically to comment on ur grammar, because generally u say things like, he did slip into her or she did wrap her tounge around his, when it would be more appropriate to say that he slipped into her or she wrapped her tounge around his, non the less, good smut

Very nicely done. I have only one suggestion. You desperately need a Beta, for spelling and grammer. There are volunteers at Portkey. If you'd like, I can act as a Beta. Alorkin.

I relive that your first language isn't english, but this is very stiff, an formal, etc.

Where should I start?

I know that your native language isn't English, but I suggest you get a more thourough beta-reader. There are far too many awkward sentences in this story.

Also, the pacing is way too slow. It just drags, it's too repetitive. The smut scenes are as arousing as watching paint dry. No offense. The English language is pretty rich; there are loads of adverbs other than "slowly", "lightly", "barely" and "carefully".

Also, the tongues battles? Get rid of those, please.

Well, good luck with your future attempts.

Good, especially considering that your original language is german!

there were a few slight spelling and grammer errors tho ^^:;

Wow!
That was a great chapter. I usually like longer fics, but I'll make an exception for this fic. I hope to read more stories like this one.

good 4 him

what the hell's the matter with her?

holy shit

damn it all!

he's ganna fuck er

really great story cant wait for another one hee hee!!!