Some beautiful imagery but I ignored your warning and read it before reading Voiceless. So I'll come back to it after the other and see if it makes more sense at that point.

A lovely little piece. Your command of language is simply awesome.

This is a very beautiful piece; fits right with the mood of Voiceless. I love, love, love it. You have a very beautiful writing style [how the hell can you think of such beautiful words to describe things?]. Will you be writing real books? I have an idea - write a series about a girl wizard [wizardress?] Don't use the word 'witch' since JKR didn't use the word 'warlock' for male witches. Your writing is so wonderful; you should be a full-blown writer. And I'll definitely buy your books.

Oh, my god.

Wow, I have to leave a review, because I'm adding you to my favorite authors. I've only just found your stuff today. You are unbelievably talented. Just have to say.

Where was I when this was first posted? Oh, this is such a wonderful, angsty revisit to a gorgeous story. I think the saddest part was how she couldn't face her parents' anxiety ... and withdrew further, making it all so much worse.
And did I mention how much I love the whole non-verbal communication thing, specially since he knew when she came back? Poor Hermione, Poor Harry and poor Ron.

Very lovely. Especially in how they balance each other--how neither can live without the other...

Ok, now I feel like I need to read Voiceless again! Exactly where (like chapters, etc.) would this fall into the story? Lovely.

ooh, that last line was perfect. I really enjoyed voiceless and this is a nice little companion to it. I love all the running themes of weather and how there's very little dialogue but so much information. Great job, and I hope to read more from you in the future!

That was unbelievably raw. Ouch. I've read Voiceless (a while ago), but this does stand on its own rather nicely, I think. It does help to know the back story, but it's a nice piece by itself. But, wow--I am amazed at your power with words, how quickly you get emotion across with no puttering around, no uselessness. Amazingly well done, nice job with everything.

-MR

very nice.. they certainly didn't have a good time apart, that's for sure..

Melodramatic?! W.T.F?!

Seriously, Ama. This isn't over done at all. In order to understand the context of this snippet, yes, you need to have an understanding of the Voiceless plot, but really, I think the tone and nature of this is just fine.

Now, building on what I said about your last post. This one was just right on. There still isn't a whole lot of dialogue going on, but the description that is used in it's stead lacks the over-richness that I felt before.

Once again, each individual sentance is beautiful, but the cohesion and balance is extremely well handled here. This is you at your best, IMO.

To be totally honest, I really miss reading Voiceless. It was back in the pre-HBP days when the number of quality authors at PK was much higher. These days, I am lucky to find authors here that I well and truly admire for their story telling ability. Yours stands out, Ama. Thanks for that.

Now, onto a much more useful critique...

"September stormed in. The first signs of autumn bled out within days and yielded to mulch underfoot."

What an awesome start to the story. The opening sentance demands the readers attention and then it's followed by such an organic, connective statement of the setting. Perfect.

"...and feeling quite insubstantial without the customary weight of her bag."

and

"In mid-September, just in time for her birthday, she went home. He wasn’t sure how it happened, but thought she must have replied her mother before he decided to nag. He stowed this notion away to chew on later, and began to worry about the week she was going to be away. Would it be safe enough? What if she couldn’t ‘talk’ to her parents without her notebook? He hated that notebook; she pulled it out only when she felt defeated."

I really love this sequence. It highlights one of my favorite parts of Voiceless...namely, how Harry adopted much of Hermione's nature as he tried to take care of her, afirming that the care Hermione had previously shown (in books 1-5) to Harry was indeed affection for Harry and not necessarily the "mothering" it is so often dismissed as.

"He’d broken a promise. Not a spoken promise, nothing so flimsy, but one that they built together with skin and tears and patience."

I miss writing that speaks to the depth of human emotions. Every else...it seems so shallow and devoid of humanity. *sighs*

In all, I really appreciate the way you have the emotions leaping off the page here. It's phenomonal to me and one of your greatest strengths.

Cheers!

(and please, please share more!)

GOD!

i so wish you'd do a sequel to Voiceless. I LOVED that fic.

seriously - LOVED it.

i reread it sometimes just to READ it. its so GOOD.

and I think this one would have been AWESOME if it had been included in the fic.

and of course this would seem overdramatic (you just HAVE to read Voiceless to understand the intensity and despair).

I'm so glad you posted something today!

YAY!
melissa
acoustics1220

Oh, A, how it's melodramatic?? Beautiful, intense, deep, complex - HHr-ness at its very best!!! It reminded me how dearly I love 'Voiceless', one of one of my most beloved stories *ever*, if not the most beloved one. And this piece, it's perfect. These lines: 'It wasn’t that she’d become smaller and he’d grown tall, it was just that they’d grown into each other, pared into shape by all the years behind them, and the darker ones waiting ahead.
Neither cared much about being able to breathe' just took my breath away. Can anything better happen to you when you're reading FF? Missed that feeling so much.



j.

Voiceless is one of my all-time favorite stories (fanfic or other)and reading this convinced me to go back and give it another read through.

This wasn't overly melodramtic; in fact, given the circumstances of the characters, it was nearly perfect. Just the right combination of sadness with a bit of... I don't know...hope? In any event, the story was wonderful and thanks for sharing.

Uh, I wasn't signed in, but that was me.