how come you had harry kill voldermont twice once in chapter 3 I think and then at the end

wow very sweet you tortured me in the beginning with Harry being mean to Hermione but I am glad they got together at the end. Good Job!

Where is the bloody DESCRIPTION??? I want some details, and I want some more pagetime. It seems like you are just rushing this

was that all there was to The Final Battle? yeez! You've got to do way better than that. Include some details, don't rush things. A story with description is so muh better than one without.

It started off well enough... Harry being cruel, just to push Hermione away. Showing the great lengths Harry would go to, to keep her safe. I could really feel the disgust that Harry felt for himself, the hurt that Hermione fielt, the anger of Ron, as he punched him out. But it kinda went down hill from there. First of all, you had Hermione figure out what he was doing very quickly, and yet, she couldnt forgive him for what he did/said. Sure, it was very hurtful, but I think if she's smart enough to figure it out, she's smart enough to know he didnt mean any of it.

Second, you had two giant plot issues. First, you have them making love in the first chapter (no, they dont do the act in the first chapter, but Harry remembers it; something about how he wouldnt have made love to her, blah blah), then you have later, in the tower, that they've never done anything more than a little groping, 'cause Herms wants to wait until marriage.

Your second plot hole is even bigger: you have Harry killing the dark lord twice. Once in the chapter labeled "the final battle", you have Voldy telling Harry that he couldnt do it (kill him) and Harry telling him he's wrong, and AKing him. Then in this last chapter, called the defeat, you have him battling it out in the woods and getting all injured, staring at the ashes of the dark lord.

I mean, I know it's fanfiction, and the authors are writing out of there love of the subject, and I do appreciate what all of you talented folks do, but if you're not going to outline a story, at least go back and review what you've already written.

Wow u r a great author. i mean u make harry seem so evil. great ending although i don't really like the beginning though. i think that harry wouldn't go that far to get hermione to hate him. but great ending.

Aww! It's finally over! HHR are back together again! It was a wonderful angsty story-- and I LOVED IT! Well-- I guess I'm back to algebra! Ugh!

Miss Mady

I like it but I think it could have more plot to it and you slipped up a few times like in chapter one you said "It was alright for him, he knew the truth and he knew she'd be safe, but Hermione probably wished she had never met him, never kissed him, never made love to him all those nights ago." But in chapter six you said "Harry stared at her before setting the tooth brush down. He had never been this close to Hermione when she was naked. Sure they'd fooled around a little bit, but they had never taken off any clothes or anything, except both their shirts once when they got a little carried away, but that was it. Hermione wanted to wait until marriage to make love and he respected her decision.




Perhaps that is why it had hurt Hermione so much to see him with his hands up another girl's shirt. She must have thought he was just doing it because he couldn't get her to have sex with him and he needed a release. She was already so insecure about her body and to see her boyfriend feeling up an anorexic slut must have about killed her." Also chapter six "I just wanted you to stay safe. If anything ever happened to you… it would kill me Hermione. I would give up my life for you and I know if I ever saw you up against a wall moaning as some other guy had his hands up his shirt that it would kill me.” it should be his hands up your shirt or your hands up his shirt not his hands up his shirt. There were a few more things but other then that i loved it.

It seems as if you didn't read over the first few chapters when you wrote this last one. In Chapter 1 you have Harry reflecting that Hermoine would regret them ever having made love but then in this chapter Hermoine is still waiting to be married. And why does Harry defeat Voldemort twice? Harry defeated Voldemort in Chapter 3 and now here.

i want you to write an epilouge!! this was an excellent story from begining to end and you should deffinitly write an epilouge for it.


~cc

this thing is tottaly hot and cool but tooo little words its like ur wasting alot of pages u should right more stuff about it and more action and explaining ok?! at ist but then with the words but still its

oh wow! That was a brilliant ending. & I haven't seen 13 going on 30 so I have no clue what you are talking about. *G* But excellent piece anyways!

Lisa

I'm sooooooooo confused. Why did you have harry defeat voldemort twice?

Yes, I'm quite lost as well. Didn't he defeat Voldemort in the third chapter? I think I missed something.

i'm confused, didn't it say that he already beat Voldemort in an earlier chapter? unless i'm mistaken...

good story nonetheless