oooooo that was good,
with your writing you need to space it out more, what i mean is not try to include so many events in the one sentance/paragraph. like here
"They stopped at Flourish and Blot's for there 6th year books, and then headed off to Madime Malkin's for some new robes, since theirs were beginning to get to short. Afterwards they went to replenish their potions supplies, and then to Quality Quidditch Supplies, the store they had been waiting to go to."
try changing it around a bit so that its not, 1 2 3 4 5 6, say something and then expand on it a bit, either that or don't metion the obvious things like insted of listing all the school supplies just say that they got their school supplies and leave it as a whole, people will know what supplies involve, but you would want to stae the robes seperatly as they are not bought every year, and you could say something bout ron not having to get second hand ones.
it all comes down to slowing events down enough to include detail , detail is what makes a story.
deffinatly a good plot and glad to see that ur imroving.
cant wait for more.
hey if u want me to beta ur chapters let me know.
