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First off I should say that I had to take a few minutes to cool down before I could move around without embarassment - so good job there.
I liked that you stayed away from clinical names for various bits of anatomy, that always seems to spoil the mood.
You did a great job of describing what he did to her without becoming overly wordy or graphic. Good smut (to me at least) tends to walk a fine line. On the one hand you can be too tame or reserved and as a result it isn't very stirring or engrossing. For example - "they made wild passionate love." Woo, be still my heart.
On the other hand it can be done with such an attention to detail that you get lost in the minutiae and it ceases to be anything more than an overly detailed anatomy lesson (with cursing and grunting). For example - "he slid his fingers approximately 2-3 inches into her wet vagina and massaged a bundle of nerves near her pubic bone with firm pressure in a counter-clockwise motion using the tips of his fingers."
I loved your desriptions of Harry going down on her (it's one of my favorite activities, so it's nice to see more attention paid to it besides the usual 'and he licked her clit until she came'). As John Cleese said in 'The Meaning of Life' "...don't dive straight for the clitoris. Why not try giving her a kiss first, hmm?" That being said, I wouldn't have minded a bit more attention on that part, maybe describe her taste and the noises she makes as he licks, nibbles, swirls his tongue & sucks on her.
I have no idea if any of that was helpful for you or not.
Thanks for the story!
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Author Feedback: Hi CrimsonTemplar!
I wasn't aware that we needed to rate reviews as 'R' ... WOW!!!! LOL
I swear I've never laughed so hard at a review. This line just absolutely kills me: "he slid his fingers approximately 2-3 inches into her wet vagina and massaged a bundle of nerves near her pubic bone with firm pressure in a counter-clockwise motion using the tips of his fingers."
That description has had me rolling this morning! Too damn funny!
As for the noises, I thought about that (albeit briefly) and decided that it was a bit smuttier than where I'd intended to go with the story....perhaps not though!
Keep reading Make Like Strangers (MLS) and I can guarantee you that I've written some satisfying smut over there! The difference is, the MLS has a plot that actually calls for that type of writing and it makes it easy to do it. What I wrote here is literally built from nothing....I sat down at my computer and started typing whatever came out. I had absolutely no direction except that I wanted to see if I could actually write a scene like this. It's been interesting to say the least!
I do appreciate your feedback. It's fantastic! AND...it provided me with a good, hearty laugh! From beginning to end!
Thanks so much for ALWAYS reviewing....I am so grateful for that!
Have a fantastic day!
Take care,
H_HrFan |
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rjade829Signed | Chapter : 1 | Date : 22/03/05
That was really good. You captured the love between them very well. I loved it! 
One thing: by the time I reached the end, I had forgotten that this was also Harry's first time. I guess he seemed more experienced/less nervous than I expected.
I liked their conversation at the end. |
Author Feedback: Hi there!
Wow! Thanks! I'm really happy to hear that you see it that way. Capturing them well is a huge compliment to me!
Yes, well, I know that it seemed he was experienced, but he was very conscientious of her throughout....I suppose I'm assuming they've had some kind of sex ed or something already!  He just wanted to be careful not to hurt her. He was very, very careful the entire time until she told him to go faster. I better stop! LOL
I'm really glad you liked it though. It was an interesting challenge for me!
Thanks so much for your review! I appreciate it IMMENSELY!
Have a wonderful day!
Take care,
H_HrFan |
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if your collaborations are going to be like this, they'll be great!  i know they are written in different styles and the plot is so much different from this plot, but i liked it! i really, really liked it! and mostly the fact that she did come... i mean. that's so realistic. she didn't have an orgasm, but enjoyed it and loved watching him and everything! well done, terri! i knew you could write everything you want! |
Author Feedback: Hey you!
My collaborations is HOTTER than this! LOL I have some scenes I wrote for those that are way so far different from this. You wouldn't believe it's the same author! LOL
The difference is that Make Like Strangers has a storyline and the plot really calls for that kind of writing (which I'd NEVER be able to pull off if it wasn't for my partner). This story literally had no foundation. I sat down at the computer and started typing....that's it. Other than rain and an attempt at lovemaking, there was nothing in my head to determine what to write! Kind of scary, really! LOL
Nope...she didn't have her moment.....but maybe I'll give her one after they've had a bit more practice! LOL
Thanks so much! I especially appreciate this one because posting this literally scared me to death! LOL (I think I drove Cindy, my Make Like Strangers (MLS) partner, crazy!)
Have a fabulous Tuesday (although...it's almost over for you, isn't it?)....well, in that case, have a fabulous Wednesday! AND....look for the next chapter of MLS tomorrow night!
Take care,
Terri |
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AlorkinSigned | Chapter : 1 | Date : 22/03/05
A very sweet and touching scene. I thought it was very realistic how Harry climaxed and hermione did not. So many authors have them coming together, when a woman almost never comes her first time. I'm kinda surprised they didn't get caught. Snape would have loved to take points fr that, and in this case, I'm certain he'd have cause.... Alorkin |
Author Feedback: Hi Alorkin!
Nah! They're out of school. I have no idea where they are, but Harry left her for a while after the defeat of LV. I just wanted to do something in the rain! LOL
Yeah, I really wanted to make that distinction between them...with him climaxing and her not. I debated it and decided that the better, more realistic way was for it to happen to him and not her.
Thanks so much for this review! It is SO greatly appreciated! I'm glad you liked it...and I'm even more glad you took the time to tell me so!
Have a fabulous day!
Take care,
H_HrFan
PS...are you going to make it back to Fairy Tale now that it's complete? |
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That was really good for your first attempt at HHR lovemaking. I, myself, suck horribly bad at it. Anyway, keep it up! |
Author Feedback: Hi Jadefrog11!
Thanks! Honestly, it's my first posted attempt! LOL I've been working with another author on the Make Like Strangers series and there's some pretty intense stuff coming up that I've written. That stuff has a storyline and all though....this just didn't. This one I literally sat down at the computer and started typing. The only direction I had was that I wanted to see if I could actually create a scene like that. I'm so glad you liked it!
I've always figured I suck at it too....once I started collaborating on the other story though, I find that I'm *not quite* as bad as I thought. I have a long, long way to go though! LOL
Thanks so much for this review....it really, truly means a lot to me!
Have a wonderful day!
Take care,
H_HrFan |
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That was great and him leaving the Wizarding World is why I think it will be Harry/Hermione in the end.Thank you for this story and the time and effort that you have put in to it.Please ignore any and all flames.Enjoy your self when you write and have fun in life when you can.
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Author Feedback: Hi destroyerdrt!
Thanks! I think he may need to get away for a while....although I highly doubt he'll be able to do it without her!
Thanks so much for your review....
Have a great day!
Take care,
H_HrFan |
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It's hard to believe that this was your first attempt at erotica. You did a great job! Very touching. Great characterization. There are a lot of one shots out there that try to accomplish the level of intimacy and emotion that seem to have done so effortlessly. Unfortunately, most don't succeed half as well as you did. Great job. I say you should definitely continue writing. Rock on. Harry and Hermione forever!
Colleen aka angelleeny |
Author Feedback: Hi there!
WOW! Thanks! Honestly, I've been writing some with a partner for the Make Like Strangers series but that has a story line and seems to flow naturally. This had absolutely no basis. I literally started typing whatever came to mind just to see if I could actually type a scene like this. I've never felt comfortable in my ability to do so but this review is certainly encouraging!
Thank you so much! You have no idea how great this makes me feel right now!
Have a wonderful, magnificent Tuesday!
Take care,
H_HrFan |
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Wow, long time no see! Your first time at the whole lovemaking thing was very good. I mean I actually have read really bad smut, so this is very well written. Anyway, thanks for the fic and keep up the good work! |
Author Feedback: Hey you!
Yeah, it has been a long time, hasn't it? I've been so involved with the collaborations that I haven't had time to work on my own stories!
It was really great to hear from you though....let me just say that right up front! I'm really happy to hear that things are going well.
As for the smut/lovemaking stuff....it scares me to death! When you write it you really open yourself up and it freaks me out! LOL The other stuff I was telling you about goes way, way, way deeper than this...
As for what you mentioned in your email....I certainly am not worried about it! You seem to be incredibly mature to me so I wouldn't ever judge you based on .... well, you know......
Anyway, thanks so much for your review. I have to admit it took me a while to get up the nerve to post it at all because I always think it's going to sound stupid!
So thanks a bunch!
Have a wonderful day!
Take care,
Terri |
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kof00Signed | Chapter : 1 | Date : 22/03/05
i love rain fanfics! and this ones really good!@@! then again I love all your fanfics.. they really have that sweet happy feeling in the end.. i cna't wait to read more of your work.. keep it up. kudos to you |
Author Feedback: Hi there!
Yeah, I like rain fics too. There's not a lot about the rain in this one, but...well....
I love that sweet, happy feeling in the end! LOL I just can't seem to kill anyone or leave them hanging for long! That might be a challenge for another time!
Thanks so much for leaving a review. It means a lot to me especially with this being my first time for this type of story! I'm glad you liked it!
Have a wonderful day!
Take care,
H_HrFan |
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Oh, can you feel the love!! YAY!!! GREAT JOB!!  This one has it all...angst, fluff, romance...the prefect H/Hr story!! And I'm not just saying that because you let me read it before you posted it!! LOL!
You so rock. Another great job by a great author. HUGS!!! |
Author Feedback: LOL
Great job? Well.......the jury is still out on that one! I thank you though....I really, truly do!
You're the best!!!!! |
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