I thgink it's really good. but Ron isn't the kind of person to continue a relationship he is bored in. I can't wate to read the rest!!!

This chapter was really, really short. i think u should put more details in the story. this could be a very good story if u want it 2 be. jus more details on some of the things.

Again, it was really short. u should make it longer. but thats my opinion. u dont have to if u dont want to. u should also put more details. Harry's reaction wen he woke up was that he was not that all surprise wat had happen to him in one night. More details

This chapter was really, really short. i think u should put more details in the story. this could be a very good story if u want it 2 be. jus more details on some of the things.

this sound like a really interesting story. i think wen people read this they might be hook on this story. i kno i am. hope u dont dissapoint wen i get 2 the next page.

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I have just found this story, and though I am unable to read it at this time, I am placing it in my story list.

not much to review about this part.. since when is feedback a must?

Firstly, no real author would ever even consider posting up a character list preceding their story. It's tacky and superfluous. Most likely anyone who reads Portkey fanfiction has doubtless read the Harry Potter books themselves and knows perfectly well who Harry, Hermione, Ron, Luna, Ginny, etc. are and what color their eyes happen to be. A good author can introduce new characters properly within the context of their story without listing them and their attributes beforehand. This character list of yours gives away a lot of the plot as well. Another reviewer pointed out that telling the reader that you've added in a Mary Sue is horrible writing decorum--he/she was right. In addition, I've never met a reader who particularly liked Mary Sues, in fact I'm vaguely sure that most have a severe aversion to them. (I do.)

About the prologue--I find it out of character for Hermione to pull Ron away from Harry to say "It's not working out." Hermione is better with emotions that that. I found it annoying that Ron called her "Babe" (slimy sounding and out of character for him) and "'Mione." Never in the Septology has anyone ever called Hermione that and I fail to see why authors think it's endearing. It's just annoying and unnecesary. The breakup scene as a whole was just completely random, unfounded, and rather poorly scripted. Also, Ron seemed extremely out of character, giving Hermione "perfect" advice...Ron has the emotional range of a teaspoon, remember? He has never given good advice on anything vaguely emotional or sensitive and to make him do so is weird and OOC.

The transition from The Breakup to Harry in bed was rather abrupt. Harry's wish to be normal seems very out of tune with his thoughts of mooning over Hermione. The presence of a fairy underneath his window is random and odd. (And isn't Gryffindor Tower on like the seventh floor? Why would a fairie be loitering outside a boy's dormitory window that high up?) Just so you know, fairies (according to JKR's FBaWtFT) are unfriendly creatures who only associate with wizards and witches for decorative purposes (i.e. to light up a Christmas Tree). They have no speaking capabilies and only buzz about. They certainly do not have the power to grant wishes randomly to magical folk, or, I'm sure, the good-hearted inclination to do so. Furthermore, I'm sure that even in Potterverse, no magic exists to replace one's reality with a completely different AU. It just can't happen. You can't bring parents back from the dead and make Voldemort just disappear. It's completely unrealistic and very unappealing to me and others as intelligent readers.

OCs are a tough subject...sometimes they are necessary depending on a plot. But making a story revolve almost entirely on the premise of canonical Potterverse colliding with a nonexistent AU reality is confusing and just in bad taste. Most readers expect fanfic authors to stick carefully to canon when writing, or to make AU fics "believable" and not cheesy or seemingly randomly written on a whim.

Don't you think that Harry would be slightly more than stunned at suddenly having a family when he wakes up? Don't you think he would react with a little shock and awe and no small amount of confusion?

Overall your writing is amateur at best and the dialogue is extremely flat. Try to put more feeling into your words and make the plot more interesting. Your chapters leave mnuch to be desired.

Thanks for reading this review. I know long, snotty reviews like this seem pretentious and whatnot, but I really am just critically criticizing and this is meant to be constuctive and helpful. Honestly.

-Rapunzel

I like it so far. Can't wait to see where you take it next. Harry as a muggle....weird.LOL I look forward to the next chapter.Keep up the good writing.

So far so good! Now time to get some Hermione in the story!

Interesting. Not sure I've read anything like this before. Can't wait for an update to see what happends next! Update soon!

Geeze Mackenzie sounds kinda like a bitch....sorry and really Muggle even!! Wow, thats really normal! So what about his friends he wouldn't have met them now would he? hmmm update soon