AnonymousUnsigned | Chapter : 19 | Date : 01/10/09
I was into this story until the DBZ twist... minor similarities are one thing.. but this is a bit much and bordering on crossover. but other than that I'm really liking it. Than, and there's just something wrong about Ron as a super sayian.  |
| |
aditivatsSigned | Chapter : 1 | Date : 09/08/08
I have just started reading this story and i m simply loving it. Thumbs up for u  |
| |
|
i gotta say, for a fist fan fic, this was pretty ok, but there is one thing i must say, make diffrent "attacks" seeing the harry potter charters suddenly start to use DBZ attacks, that was......NO.. i'm sorry but you made ron a super sayian, and just, please work on the attacks. |
| |
|
Wow!!
This is a good story.
So they finally got together after liking each other for so long.
|
| |
AnonymousUnsigned | Chapter : 25 | Date : 13/08/07
This can't be the end...you left it hanging. Please tell me that there is more to this story???
Thank you for writting this, but it needs to end right. The big attack, Volt gone, the big party...where is that???
|
| |
ElnoreUnsigned | Chapter : 25 | Date : 13/01/07
Okay i will be hones with you...
Your story as a realy cool plot.
Alot og your ideas are great.
The way you handled the relationships betwen the Charecters was good.
But i must say that your final Battle was... a bit disapointeing. But sinse its your first fan-fiction ill give it 8 out of 10 posible mage-knights  |
| |
|
Ok a station wagon... really come on! lol i mean they make a ton of money as Doctors so im sure they got something better then that. |
| |
|
Ok that is just gay, i had to stop reading to tell you this wtf is your problem making ron quid captain!
He just got on the team and he is hade quid captain, im ranting not just cause i hate ron with a passion but just how stupid that is!!
*rolls eyes* that was stupid STUPID!!
and you just had to make another harry who takes the shit people give him, i know its only the first chapter and i normaly dont do this but i am tired of people making him such a fucken pussy, when your beatin and starved the way he was as a kid YOUR NOT A PUSSY!
Trust me i know, you get tougher and stronger, become more prone to kick someones ass then let then walk all over you! anyway im going to go back and read and i swear he better get thougher or its me and you got it! |
| |
AnonymousUnsigned | Chapter : 2 | Date : 10/09/06
Ugh this is really frusturating, because this is a really good story, and I want to read more, but I have to do my homework... Good story, though I wonder if H/Hr got together to fast. anyway, cant wait to read more!  |
| |
JarnoSigned | Chapter : 25 | Date : 30/08/06
Well you asked me all the things I saw as I flaw in your story, if only I would find out to reply.
One of the main flaws is the sword training. For someone who knows how to handle a sword, I have studied Kendo for five years, it shows that you have no knowledge of it. And that's a pitfall.
Another main flaw is that your story is to sugar coated. When people do something bad, you barely punish them.This will they won't learn from their actions.
The final flaw is the fact that nearly every character in your story is good. Malfoy is good, Snape is good, even Grindewald is reasonably good. It doesn't work that way, that isn't realistic.
Another minor flaw is Draco being a half vampire. It doesn't fit the character. The Blacks and the Malfoy's are pureblood fanatics as is Draco, I don't think someone with those thoughts would be a half or full vampire. |
Author Feedback: well thanks ofr the response, if I get around to doing the sequel, I'll try harder to write better
Okay you really have a problem with the sword training, lol well I'm not the onlyt auther on portkey that does stuff like that, hell, alot of people make training alot quicker then normal (In dragon ball z gohan learnt martial arts in 3 months off piccolo....THREE MONTHS) but yeah its was a little quick wasnt it, lol.
how much pounishment do we actually see in the books? honestly, I mean yeah I was hella linient to neville, but he isnt supposed to learn from his actions, it wasnt a mistake, he ment to do what he did, and (again I need the sequel for this) he will do worse things in the future. Harry choose to let neville off easy (IIRC), he is more focused on other things
hmm yeah they all seem good dont they....well in my defense alot of poeple make both snape and malfoy good (shrugs) I didnt want to make a dark fic, and I also like the idea of Harry having allies, in the future of this story ark, there wont be any others switching sides, but I do get your point (how do u figure Grindewlad is good? Honestly?)
Well Lucius is a full vampire.....(shrugs) I just wanted to do something different, good (ie half) vamps are always tragic hero's, usre I suck to much at writting to bring this more out in my character view for draco, but it adds more depth then the pathetic school bully who picks on hermione IMHO
Anyway thanks for your views, they are saved on the website here so I'll never loose them (Unless I forget the url) |
| |
JarnoSigned | Chapter : 11 | Date : 29/08/06
I'm going to stop reading here. You're writing about things you have no knowledge of.
It takes years to become an accomplished swordsmen. you have them being good in a day.
Then you are rewarding Neville for doing one of the worst crimes there is. god, your story is so stupid at times it makes me want to laugh at you. |
Author Feedback: hmm, well yeah my story sucks, lol I know it, at the time I wrote it I liked it and thought it was a good idea, but yeah I understand that alot of it is pretty lame. But dude, don't get so bent out of shape about it, although your honesty has mae me smile and chuckle.
I'de like to ask thatr you read the rest of my story and list what was wrong and why, you don't have to, but your honest opinion is fun and yar.... |
| |
JarnoSigned | Chapter : 10 | Date : 29/08/06
Expelling Neville would be a much better way.
Draco being a half blood vampire? Are you an idiot of some sort?
Lucius Malfoy is one of the biggest supporters of pureblood wizards who sees muggleborns and magical creatures like lupin as inferior. I don't think he'd be a vampire. Use your brain before you write. |
| |
JarnoSigned | Chapter : 8 | Date : 29/08/06
and two of the most promising seekers in Hogwarts' history dueling?
Ah, no. The books clearly say that Malfoy is a lousy flyer, you do have read the books do you?
Second year. malfoy was on a better broom, the snitch was flying near his head and he still didn't catch it. |
| |
JarnoSigned | Chapter : 7 | Date : 29/08/06
“Er, yeah, what happened to Harry? His scar has never bled before?”
Yes it has, it has bled since fourth year. |
| |
JarnoSigned | Chapter : 6 | Date : 29/08/06
Okay, malfoy and Harry being alike. Where did you get that idea. Don't get me wrong I didn't think the rest of the chapter was bad but not that ood either. I don't think Harry would slack of that much
But as to Malfoy and Harry.
Malfoy got on the quidditch team because of money.
Harry got on because of skill.
Harry is humble, Malfoy is arrogant.
Harry is against pureblood supremacy, Malfoy is for.
Harry is a gryffindor, Malfoy is slytherin. |
| |
|
