A nice bit indeed. Excellent use of words, I enjoyed it very much. As can often happen in prose writing, the plot line can become a bit muddled. Don't feel badly though, that is always the case when writing in this style. Plus, with a shorter piece, the plot is fairly meaningless, when what you are really trying to present is a series of images and emotions. When next you write, which I hope you do, you may want to play with the idea of using this writing style inter-mixed with straightforward text and blending them into a short story concept. I think you will be pleasently surprised at what you will be able to do.
I sincerly hope nothing I say is taken in a negative manner. I mean it with all happy, happy, joy, joy. I just wanted to give you a little more of my thoughts than just a sentence or two of praise.
Keep up the good work!
