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Erm, clearly missing backstory here.
I really liked it, really really liked it, but I would have liked it better if I knew the backstory. I don't know if it's in some other story or if it's not written and you'll ever get around to writing it, but all I know going into the story is whatsever in the books.
As the characters interact and things are revealed, I find out differences etc. I've infered that the war is over, hell is breaking over in a fred-and-george-esque style, draco fought against voldemort is some manner and he knows ginny is some manner.
The problem is, their relationship is not defined, and we don't get a chance to find out because of the drastic 180 it takes in the story. Bits and pieces seem ooc, not in re the books, but in re the story.
Normally when character and relationship aspects have been defined, it's easy to put in things that are ooc for a character. People do act outside of their standard mode of operating behavoir all the time, and it's more common in stories because stories tend to center around the unusual, around a change of some sort. But, when these aspects haven't been defined for your story, I as a reader have to fill in the blank spots as best I can, with either the characters from the books or a similar story. The problem is is that wheatever I fill in doesn't work nearly as well and so a line that is meant to be ooc, and which by being ooc says something about whats happening in the story, to me just pulls me out of the reality of what I'm reading, because it's not realistic.
So, while I really like your writing (the scenes and the setups and the combination of drama and comedy) I wish you'd add a little more background story. Not make your stories into longer stories necessarily, just I guess which details you include in the setup.
And now I've rambled way too long so I'm signing off.
P.S. Do you think you could do some sort of story that answers the age old question: just how many broom closets are their in Hogwarts? And why? They're not used for cleaning?
(I think it's actually storage closets in the books, but still same thing. How many and what the hell are the used for? Other than...erm...THAT.... |