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Just a couple of grammar and punctuation problems which a quick read over would fix as there seem to be no ongoing mistakes. Question: how many times is Draco wrapping his cloak around her? He seems to do it twice "undid his cloak before pulling her in and wrapping it around her" without taking it off first "pulling back and taking off his cloak to wrap around Ginny's shoulders"... just a slight continuity problem. At the beginning, I felt there were a few unecessary descriptions, ie. Ginny opening/closing the window, walking through the portrait, down deserted hallways etc. I don't think describing her every move enhanced the story and cutting this kind of description moves the story along without boring the reader. I thought Draco was reasonably in character until the end... and although of course this is a D/G, the sudden kiss and friendliness seems a bit unexpected. Maybe just a little more work on Draco, be it some more dialogue, or him reflecting on seeing Ginny in the snow etc. would add more depth to the story. Nevertheless, good effort and the ending was very sweet... although like I said, a slightly bigger buildup would have been doubly satisfying! |
I just love snowball fights too. Thanks for an enjoyable one-shot.
I just can-t help smiling like a idiot