PJSigned | Chapter : 4 | Date : 17/10/04
The story concept is a good one.
There were some good elements that stood out.
The idea that Ron and Harry will one day accept Draco into the group is a happy thought. It was good to show how Draco crossed over to the good side, but, could have been expanded a little bit more. I like the idea of the wedding at the end.
And there were a few more things that were OK but, needed some work. Like, the way the boys planned the surprise for the girls in the hall. The speaches that they made don't sound natural for boys that age, but, the idea that they would go through the trouble to set it all up was good.
Also, the showing of Dobby in the kitchen was good but, being a house elf, he would have known that Harry was sick because the other house elves that clean the hospital would have told him. They keep each other informed of what is going on in the castle. But, if showing him not knowing this information was a way to provide him with something to discuss with the girls, I guess changing his character is OK within the confines of the story.
Normally I tend to overlook spelling errors and typos because, lets face it, we all have days when our fingers don't cooperate with our brains.
From sentax and grammer errors and spelling and the plural noun issues, I am only guessing that possibly English is a 2nd language?
I am not saying that is a bad thing, in fact, if that is the case, this story is very good and I encourage to to keep trying because the more practice you get, the easier the language becomes. |
