My Response to Deathly Hallows ... two little games (three actually, but Saving Potter's not that great)

My Lists:

• Dark/Death Eater Hermione Fics
• Betrayed!Hermione Fics
• Buffyverse / Grangerverse crossover fics
• Definitions for the Grangerphile
• Fics we'd like to see (made with raindroproses) e.g. a Marriage Law fic where Hermione doesn't marry someone.
• Severus/Hermione Fics

Finally! Canon is done and the ships ended like we all expected after HBP. Ho-hum. I didn't bother reading Deathly Hallows - fanfiction is so diverse and interesting and well written nowadays that my taste of canon is completely gone. Now that DH has come and gone, us fanfic writers can get on with the important stuff.

My priority is Hermione. If she must ship at all (let's face it, how many of us ended up with our childhood flames?), I'd prefer it to be with Harry (or Remus or Draco) but as long as she's with someone who deserves her, I'm cool with it. That that someone could be Ron is ludicrous. Ron is stupid, lazy, and does not appreciate Hermione's Muggle background. He does not put his foot in his mouth by accident - he says what he means. And when he says something that hurts Hermione, he means to hurt her. Here's a good conversation by MrIntel in Saving Harry Potter :

"Who?" Hermione asked. "Ron? Absolutely. Sometime in the distant past, he might have been an option, but I just can't see us going anywhere past snogging and groping."

Harry's toleration of Ron is his biggest problem in canon, and one of the reasons that I don't really feel - if you stick strictly to canon evidence (even excluding that stupid joke of a book called HBP, not to mention DH) - that even Harry's good enough for Hermione. The only person in canon that could be good enough for her is, despite the age difference, Remus. Many fanfic writers get around the age difference by sending Hermione back in time to the Marauder era. But then they make the mistake of shipping her with Sirius. Now, Sirius is an ok bloke, but I've never been able to understand why Hermione would ever pick Sirius over Remus.

Speaking of Remus, I can't understand why Lily would ever date James over him - the only answer I can think of is that Remus was ashamed of his werewolf self and pushed Lily away. And yes, I do consider Lily and Hermione to have a lot in common, which is why I never understand this whole Potters-and-redheads shit. Unless Potter males are superficial hormonic bastards like 80 percent of all males, they are far more likely to be attracted to smart witches who stand up for what they believe. Hermione and Lily are very much in that category, while Ginny never will be. They are women, while Ginny is a girl.

A note on Ms E.C.D.Watson - Emma isn't Hermione, but has done incredibly well to portray her. I hope she has successful careers at whatever she wants to do - philosophy at Cambridge today, becoming the next female Prime Minister of Britain or Keira tomorrow. Most importantly though, we wish her luck at finding happiness and contentment. Cheer up, Em, there's guaranteed to be one non-intimidatable worthy bloke out there... I'd suggest you take up rock climbing as a hobby :)

Finally, a few last words before we get to the awards ceremony...

This is a listing of fics where Hermione Jane Granger plays a starring or co-starring role. And I do mean Jane, not Jean.

The images and manips shown here are by mmefleiss, evernight, dhfreak, womanlikeme and the French Post Office. Click on them to see where they come from.

Best Ever HHr fic: Now this one is easy : Paradigm of Uncertainty by Lori, and its two sequels Show that Never Ends and Hero with a Thousand Faces.

If there was a top ten list for Potter fanfics, this would be among them. The plot is good, there is no gratuitous angst, the writing brilliant, and the dialogue sparkling, and the character development better than canon. The series begins with Ron dead, Ginny not a bitch, Harry and Hermione remaining firmly best friends and dating other people while living in a house with four other friends - the unlikely combination of Justin Finch-Fletchley, George Weasley, Cho Chang, and OC Laura Chant.

'Show that Never Ends' also has the most definitive HHr quote in fanfiction. Curiously enough, the speaker is Ginny, who once dated Harry several years earlier and is still friends with both Harry and Hermione : "Harry and I were always just friends, and we convinced ourselves that we felt more. You and Harry were always in love, and you convinced yourselves you were just friends."

"Honey, remember when we were talking about moving back to London? Let's talk it about again," Harry said to Hermione, winking.
"You can't move back to London, who'd provide endless fodder for my witty repartee?" Justin protested.
"Oh, Justin. You could make witty repartee about the parlor sofa," Hermione said. She put a hand on her chest and rolled her eyes heavenward in an eerily accurate imitation of Justin. "'Dahling, we must discuss that slipcover. How many times do I have to tell you that sea-foam green is not your color? Friends don't let friends wear brocade, you know. I mean, really...it's just so Margaret Thatcher.'"
By the time she was done the entire table was holding their stomachs with laughter.

Angstiest RHr to HHr fic : The Paradise Series by AngieJ a.k.a. Ebony.

I read Trouble in Paradise (Book 2) and would never read it again because I'd be crying too much. And I'd never dare read Paradise Lost (Book 1) because my tear ducts would be permanently damaged. Brilliant stuff : see Linsenmayer's List for some summaries. The main story in TiP is happy enough but its flashbacks (to Paradise Lost) that are angsty and make you want to murder someone for the amount of lost HHr time.

Best Explanation of The Farce That Was HBP : Harry Potter and the Demon's Soul by Hotaru a.k.a. Angry Hermione.

To the surprise of no-one sensible, Ginny used a love potion in HBP. Except it was a lot more complicated than that, and the Golden Duo need the help of an orphaned half-demon girl with special dietary requirements (rat, yummy) to break the spell and get on with the task of killing Voldemort.

Fastest Let's Put HBP Behind Us And Get On With The Story Fic : Circle's End by madscientist.

Luna sums it up best when she says, "you are a powerful witch Ginny, but Hermione is like a bonfire to your candle.".

Both Harry and Hermione are given Auror training while at Hogwarts, to the point where Hermione can kill Greyback without a wand and not feel particularly guilty about it. Also has other ships - including the most unusual and unlikely ship involving Neville ...

Definitely not for anyone under 18 (or under 21 in some countries or under 101 if your mother is as Mollyish as mine was).

Best Horcrux!Harry Fic : Eighth by lorien829.

Post-HBP. Hogwarts has reopened with only fifty or so students, and the trio are not among them. Harry faces Voldemort, Hermione's right behind him, and the youngest Weasleys display remarkable maturity by realizing that they can't have a relationship with someone in love with someone else. (Not sure if I've got the category title correct here, it's been a while since I read this.)

Oneshot that best expresses a HHr shippers answer to the question of why Hermione would ever do something as desperate as dating Ron : Bad Timing by Dai Llwelyn.

Naturally, it has Hermione telling Harry, 'My, you are dim.'

Fic Involving the Most Trust : Tears of the Phoenix by Aradia17.

I hesitate in calling this HHr, but it does centre around Harry-Hermione interaction. The amount of trust involved here goes far beyond that in a mere relationship. Whether it's justified or not... that would be telling.

Hermione betrayed the Light. She let Voldemort into Hogwarts. Voldemort controls Hogwarts. The Order is scattered in refugee camps. They curse her name; she is the greatest traitor, she is the Pettigrew of her generation. She does not deny that she betrayed them. Then, why oh why, does Harry want to trust her? No-one else does. Hermione certainly doesn't.

Best "Summer At the Grangers" fic : Vox Corporis by Miss Ann Thropic.

One of the few fics that can compete with the Paradigms Saga in terms of character development. The author has a nice style of writing too.

Hermione was on the couch dressed in sweat pants and Harry's old, worn Quidditch T-shirt. It was practically thread-bare, the maroon was more a sickly purple, the gold a dingy yellow, and the letters spelling out "POTTER" on the back were almost unreadable. But it was Hermione's favorite and she intended to wear the shirt until it literally fell off of her. She'd said as much. Harry hoped he was there when it happened.

Here's a scene where Harry's defending Hermione from a childhood bully of hers - a blonde bombshell called Sam - while he's staying with the Grangers over the summer...

"You were right about one thing, however," he continued, still addressing Sam. "You said that you and I were not in the same league as her. Well... they say to aim for the stars. I think I might have just caught one this time."
Sam began to laugh derisively. "Oh my God, Harry! What, are you pulling this out of some bad poetry book?"
Harry cast a quick glance at Hermione, who unfortunately wore a look that confirmed the cheesiness of what he'd just said. He was on a roll now, however, so he wasn't going to let that stop him.
"Well, I guess that just goes to show that Hermione's the kind of girl that can inspire a bloke to write bad poetry."
Harry looked again and now Hermione wore a smirk and raised eyebrow that silently said, "Nice save!"
Emboldened by Hermione and annoyed by Sam, Harry turned back to the blonde. "Tell me. Have you inspired anyone to write anything about you? I mean, besides on the walls in the boys' loo?"

Best Hermione Kills Her Dad Fic : Harry Potter and the Unbreakable Link by Silvestria.

It begins with Hermione doing some holiday research in Greece and running for her life... she really could use an Invisibility Cloak. At the same time, Harry's dreaming that a girl running needs such a cloak, and gives it to her. He wakes up, the cloak's gone, and Hermione returns it to him on September first.

And that's just one symptom of his link with Tom Riddle's Muggle-raised daughter.

Best Crookshanks POV : Must Be Approved By Crookshanks by Plumgirl.

This would be the traditional Harry-and-Hermione-dance-around-each-other-for-years fic, with a touch of You've got Mail, except that it's told from Crookshanks' point of view. The Crookshanks-Hedwig dialogue is fairly amusing.

Best 'Where Did This Child Come From?' Fic : Tuesday's Child by Goreandbeans.

(Still heading in an HHr direction, not there yet.) Hermione went to Beauxbatons. She's a brilliant academic who is suddenly mistaken for a baby wizard's mother. She can't get rid of it, and her attempts to do so lead to an angry confrontation with the Boy Who Lived. As she is thrust kneedeep in nappies and bottles, she finds that her miserably unsuccessful house elf activism at school has inspired a new faction of civil rights activists who now wish to turn the wizarding world around... and are capable of doing so. Meanwhile, rumour has it that the child is Harry's - she really didnt have that in mind when she named the baby James after James and The Giant Pumpkin... but meeting Harry for walks in the park with little James help in dispelling the rumours...

HHr Fic I'd most like to see resurrected: HP and the Secret Within by Shentaro.

Harry is injured so badly at (not by) the Dursleys that he should be dead. But he isn't - thanks to an illegal spell that can't even be found in the Restricted Section. Naturally, Hermione cast it. And now everyone seems to be against them. 40 000 words by March 2006.

Also In search of a family by Light Avatar, The Potter Vs. Granger Rivalry by lillyfan16.

Best Trio-Auror Oneshot : Balance by Crazy Mishka.

(Features a Hermione who didn't go to Hogwarts.) Harry and Ron are a successful Auror team. They don't need a third member. They get one. She's called Hermione. Alright, maybe they could use a third member.

"You want someone who doesn�²t need to be in the spotlight, but like your mother someone who can�²t help but interfere when she sees something wrong because she is as compassionate as that. You want someone to talk to, to dream with�¥ Besides, your mother was a powerful woman that did great things when she wished to."

Hermione sniffed and turned back to scan the party, and Harry watched this with some awe and a slight shame- he�²d never been interested enough to wonder what his mother had done on her own�¥ only worried about his parents together and how that had happened and gotten the biased view of a marauder who liked to break the rules.

He took in a deep breath and looked away from her, his tongue feeling oddly thick and his voice small as he swallowed. "Do you think she'd be proud of me?"

Best AU AU HHr : Naked Heart by AngelWing3.

Set in World War Two. The Death Eaters are Nazis, and Hermione is stuck in France. Harry gets her out... after the war, Ginny - well, the woman is simply evil, alright? Angstsy, features H/G and Dramione.

A regular AU is HP-related, while an AU AU is one where HP characters are transplanted into another domain. This particular fic would be pretty darn close to commercially sellable without any copyright issues whatsoever if a simple find-and-replace was done on the names.

Most I'll Think Of A Category Later Fic : Belong to Nowhere by Sweet-Lemmon

This would be listed under the Most Backstabbing Ginny category, except that there are too many of those kinds of fics to count and I don't know how to choose between them.

Hermione is Harry's friend, and will do anything for him - even while he accuses her of turning Dark while she brings back his dogfather from the dead. Highly bitchy Ginny. (“Quidditch is the wizard sport, Hermione," said Ginny. "It’s our greatest entertainment. You don’t understand because you are a muggleborn. You weren’t born in our world like me and my family neither do have magical parents like Harry's... don’t get me wrong, but I think you don’t REALLY belong to our world... He [Harry] cares about you, of course! Ron too. But they know that you only think about your studies. They had already accepted that you’re not a funny person. I love you, Hermione but you are boring! I am sorry but it’s true...")

Best Mystery Fic : The Cardinal Curses by B.B.Ruth.

A story of love, loss and remorse, with a well plotted mystery that goes with it. Harry left Hermione's life - and destroyed her in the process. She changed. When he returns, she is waiting to be sent to Azkaban for an alleged attack on Ron. Helping her escape is child's play compared to trying to make up for what he did... if he even can. Oh, and there's a serial killer on the loose. (And for once, the killer is not the guy that Hermione's dating - contrary to cliche, that bloke is really what he seems - a nice guy who really loves her and I even rooted for while reading the fic.)

Best Post-Hermione Fic : Survivor by Atruwriter.

What happens to Harry when Hermione dies at the Final Battle, from the point of view of Ron. It's the only fic where I have really respected Ron - and you know I normally hate the git.

"Stop it," Molly shouted at Ron, waving her hand for him to quit making excuses. "He's your responsibility. He's your best friend! All this time you've been here, you haven't tried to talk to him. You haven't tried to pull him out of it. You've been letting him fall deeper and deeper into this. You're just waiting, aren't you? Waiting for him to finally die!"
"Mum," her sons exclaimed, looking at her, shocked.
Ron looked up at her, "Yes," he admitted.
"What?" Fred and George asked, stunned.
"I haven't talked to him. I haven't tried to make him feel better. I haven't offered him meals or tried to talk him into Chess," Ron agreed. "I'm waiting for him to die....I'm doing it because he's my best friend."

Best Vampire Fic: Forever Knight by DeliverMeFromEve. A classic.

This is followed by Blood Bound by Dementor149.
Harry gets turned, then turns Hermione. She's not amused. He needs her to help him find the Horcruxes. Fine, she says. Just as long as you kill me once we're done and Tommy's kaput. Fine, he says. But it's not fine...

At half a million words, this is probably the definitive Vamp!Granger fic. If not considered a classic yet, it's getting there.

Most Tragic HHr Fic : Fallen Angel by Sunny38.

I'm not kidding when I say this is tragic. Regular HHr tragedies either have unrequited or hidden love or have one of them dying (it's not a tragedy if both die) and the other feeling sad the rest of their lives. This is closer to the last option, only much much worse.

Angstiest with (probably) a happy ending Fic : : 'Boys Dont Cry' by tearsofher.

Actually, the full title of this category is '"Angsty HHr fics where you 'want to rip the characters heads off and strike their authors into permanent labour before impaling them and roasting them alive over a slow flame' with (probably) happy endings".

Nastiest Manipulative Dumbledore HHr Fic : Too many to name:

(1) I won't forgive you by CodeWarrior.

Hermione and Harry joining Voldemort to rescue Hermione's parents from Dumbledore's clutches. Hermione tends to take the initiative e.g. joining Voldemort, 'breaking the taps',... They sign a magical contract with Voldemort to cement their alliance; Hermione makes sure to add a small print footnote that says any Death Eater who calls her a Mudblood loses a finger. She collects several.

(2) Sunset Over Britain by BobMin et al and its sequel Sunrise over Britain.

Massively and unapologetically AU. Super-Harry, mostly male writing, mature audience. Britain falls to Voldemort. Harry et al fight back from their base in Ireland.

Best Hermione-rescues-Harry fic : Resistance. by lorien829. Note that Books 3 (maybe 2) to 5 in canon can be all be classified as Hermione-rescues-Harry fics. Of course, the rescuing is often mutual, which is why some of us wonder why Jo is so delusional about her HBP ships.

Fairiest HHr Fairy Tale : HP Boy Who Lived Saga by Cindra, plus sequels.

The amount of resurrections is rather amusing... you have to be a die-hard HHr to read and enjoy this as it's often over the top. Definitely worth starting, though.

Best Muggles Vs Magicals Fic : Muggle Summer, Wizard's Fall by canoncansodoff.

Post HBP. The British Muggle government takes care of all its citizens. That includes Muggleborn wizards and witches. They come to Harry and Hermione with a proposition - "We'll knight you two, make Harry the Queen's Wizard, and provide lots of financial and MI5 and technological resources to help you kill Voldemort... and you kill Voldemort."

Best Adoption Fic : Delicate by SaoirseAngel. HHr. They are asked to adopt a little girl. Chaos and life ensue.

Snarkiest Hermione : If life gives you lemons... throw them back! by FuryOfMedea. At least it starts off snarky. If I had a category for whodunnit, it would be a nominee. Hell, I just wanted it included...

Funniest HHr Oneshots: Where do babies come from? by BewitchedOne.

Also see Wrestling Parents by swishandflick31

Best Differently-Abled!Mione Fic : Growing and Standing. A vicious attack by Muggle bullies at primary school left Hermione deaf and with trouble speaking. She still goes to Hogwarts, and becomes friends with fellow outcasts Neville and Luna. This is a Harry-POV fic where he tries - after finally noticing her - to observe and understand her.

Caution: some of these fics may ship Harry with Ginny. But they won't get much airtime, so you can rest easy. (Have I mentioned that if you prefer HG to HHr, then you really need to go flush yourself? And yes, I do mean down a loo. Ah, blissful intolerance...)

Best Hermione/Cedric Fic : This ship is probably the best kept secret of the Grangerverse: the Medicine Wheel has a good set of Cedrione fic recs.

Finding Himself by Minisinoo. This is one of THE best Hermione fics out there (regardless of fic) - thanks to KatieFromAnchorage for pointing it out to me! Basically, it's OOTP with the following two changes:

(1) Cedric survived GoF, and (2)
Cedric/Hermione. I certainly haven't read a better fic.

The characters of Cedric and Hermione are not one-dimensional. Hermione isn't always right. Neither is Cedric nor Harry. (Ron's given short shrift, which is how things should be.) Cedric and Hermione care about each other greatly; yet they disagree on House Elves and hurting others. Meanwhile, the Ministry and Umbridge aren't just out to get Harry and Dumbledore - they want Cedric's arse too. Adult Chapters later on. The most fascinating OC is Cedric's Slytherin mother (who approves of Hermione, and still yells at her and her son when they aren't sneaky enough).

Runner-up: Keogh by Chelle. Hermione is Snape's biological daughter. Oh dear. But that's the easy part. She's also got her dead biological mother stuck in her head, along with a billion other voices demanding to be led. From third year onwards, Hermione is as close to a Necromancer as one can get. Crossover with Lumley's Necroscope series.

“What?" exclaimed her mother, "I don’t buy that prim and proper show she puts on. I’d bet she sneaks off to the highland games to drool over the men.”
The thought of Minerva McGonagall drooling over anyone made Hermione a bit queasy. “Just because you’re a total perv doesn’t mean everyone else is.”
“I still think you should have planted one on that Quidditch captain of yours when you had the chance. Oh, well, there’s still that Cutie from Puffy.”
“The who from what?”
“That Diggory kid. Now there’s a boy who’s destined to grow into a damn fine piece of manhood. Might be a bit too smart, though. You have to watch the smart ones. They don’t let you get away with nearly as much.”

Honourable Mention: The Boy Who Died by Koalathebear. Also see the AU Sequel A New School Year and Unexpected .

(You have to admit (if you don't, you're simply wrong) that Cedric is the hottest male character in the HP movies. Though Equus!Dan is a strong contender. Sorry, I need to stop salivating here.)

"I know everything about you, Hermione," said Cedric. "I even did my Muggle Studies essay on Dentists and their Ways so that I know what to talk about when I meet your parents ...."

"So uh, Cedric is it?" Tonks drawled. "What form does your Patronus, take?" she asked him flirtatiously. "A silver wolf," he said, clearing his throat and glancing down in a hunted fashion as Tonks came and stood very close to him, looking him up and down admiringly. Moody nodded in approval. "Excellent. You're so pretty I was afraid that you were going to tell me it was a French poodle. Silver wolf is good".

Best 'Hermione Time Travels to MWPP Era' fic : Too many to name.

(1) This Time Around by DisneyDoll0424. Remus/Hermione.

(2) Hermione The Werewolf Tamer by atruwriter. Remus/Hermione, with Sirius doing an excellent Ron impression.

Albus stood, rather stunned. He never once thought to question her actions, and certainly hadn't even considered the notion that she was simply a grieving widow come to save one and only one person from the future. He could see, very clearly, that Hermione Lupin was a woman who had set out to change the whole course of things. She was here not for herself, but others. And it was perhaps the fact that she wasn't looking out for herself, even after the loss of her husband and best friends, that encouraged him to the fact that she was quite remarkably the most unselfish person he'd met. "I have no doubts in you, Mrs. Lupin, I assure you. I understand that it will be quite hard to see your husband every day, especially however many years younger."

(3) Phoenix Past Changer by cylobaby. Remus/Hermione.

(4) Shattered Time by Rachey. Hermione is willing to do absolutely anything to let Harry have a family.

Best Hermione/Snape : see my LJ list for full details, here's just a list of titles and authors. There are too many contenders here to mention, because most of the fanfic writers who ride this ship tend to be adults or mature humans capable of writing excellent stories. It's been suggested that that's because there's so much baggage to overcome in this ship that only the best writers have a go at it.

• When a Lioness fights by Kayly Silverstorm. A Death-Eater!Hermione fic.

• Daddy Dearest by Ms-Figg. A brilliant fic. Hermione and Severus had a one night stand. She refused to abort, he refused to help. Twelve years later, Mathias Granger comes to school, is sorted into Slytherin, forms his own Trio, and plans to tackle the Dark Lord. Also features one of the best trials in all of fanfiction, with Draco putting Hermione on trial.

• Spellcaster by SGCbearcub. Post-HBP. Snape's POV, but it's definitely all about Hermione. And feminism, and fighting, Ministry enslavement, and a lot of Pureblood Ritual, comparable to lightningonthewave. A remarkable fic. Calling it HGSS would be a bit of a stretch, even if she is married to him and using him as a sex toy.

• Contemplations of Birth by Saavik13. Hermione isn't a Mudblood. With her Pureblood heritage comes an arranged marriage - to escape it, she chooses to marry Snape. Dumbledore officiates. The bride and groom are permitted one witness each - Hermione brings Harry, Snape brings Lucius... and that's just the start... story has sequels...

• Of Debts and Debt Collection by TimeTurnerForSale. Post-HBP. The Order finds that Dumbledore ordered Snape to kill him. Soon afterwards, the Potions Master turns up at Hogwarts, near death. Despite his best efforts, Hermione deals with him. Meanwhile, he has to train Harry to fight... The story is about 2/3 Snape-centred, 1/3 Hermione-centred.

• Survivors by Dyce. The war is over. The Light won. Snape is broken. Hermione wants to fix him. Snape doesn't want to be fixed. The story of a partnership between two temperamental, bossy, and broken people in a new world.

• Pawn To Queen by Riley of the famous Severusophile writer's collective La Soci�¡�ét�¡�é des Femmes Dangereuses a.k.a. witchfics.org.

Best Hermione and Bella Become Friends Fic : Women On Top by Maddy-Riddle.

The Minister decided that the war was nothing more than two factions, or rebels, fighting each other, so both sides should pay for the deaths they had caused. So now, Death Eaters and Order members were sharing cells in Azkaban while the Minister gloated in his office about how clever he was. And that's how Hermione came to share her living space (a three by three metres cell with two mattresses, a sink and a toilet, and a barred window with a beautiful view of the ocean) with none other than Bellatrix Lestrange. ... their partnership began the first time they planned to attack one of the guards to steal more food. Their complicity grew as they started planning bigger things. Like taking over the Wizarding World...

Most Terrian Marriage Fic : A Law to Herself by Shiv5468 To avoid a marriage to Draco (and a conniving Albus) and buy some time till she can get rid of the stupid Marriage Law, Hermione persuades Severus to marry her. Now, if she could just persuade the Malfoys to help her overthrow the Minister of Magic, all will be well...

“Well, I know you’re not; which is where the whole thing falls down. But considered in the abstract, saving someone from Lucius Malfoy is romantic.”
“More like bloody stupid,” he muttered.
“Well, isn’t that the same thing?” she asked.
Severus, who had been worried that Hermione’s brains were showing the same signs of softening as Minerva’s, was relieved by that comment.
...
"... Albus is busy congratulating himself about his forethought in not allowing you to marry into the Malfoy family and creating a dynasty of tyrants.”
“After all I did to help Harry…,” Hermione said huffily, “it’s outrageous.”
“Welcome to the Dark side,” Severus said, moving over to the decanter for a refill.
“If I’m going to take up Dark Lording, I shall need an entirely new wardrobe. More black, for starters, and a bit revealing. Nothing tasteless, but something that will make men worship at my feet.”
“You’re not prancing around Hogwarts in your nightie,” Severus replied. “You’ll catch your death of cold, and I’ll be the one who has to listen to you complaining, and have to make your cold remedies.”
“Well, how else am I supposed to rise to power?”
“You’ll just have to settle for blackmail, murder, mayhem, and Imperio, like the rest of us.” Hermione gurgled with laughter. “Spoil sport.”
...
“You are not allowed to become the next Dark Lord,” Harry said firmly. “I won’t have it. I’ve only just got rid of the last one, and I don’t fancy killing one of my best friends because they develop a taste for black robes and hanging round in cemeteries.”
“Don’t worry; I’ve already had that speech from Severus: no Dark Lording allowed. Message received, though I think you’re all spoilsports.” Hermione picked up a piece of toast and bit into it decisively.
...
Though it had to be said that Lucius had been living in another universe for years. As far as he was concerned the sun shone out of his arse and the world rotated round him – presumably because of the location of the sun – and any evidence to the contrary could be disregarded ...

Best Hermione/Tom fic: Take My Heart away by Hatusu. Angst, much... even more than Romeo and Julian I mean Juliet.

Most Manipulative Dumbledore : History Reversed by Hermione's Equal. Also Tomione.

To eliminate the Voldemort problem, Albus decides to make sure Voldemort never arose in the first place. He sends Hermione back in time so that she's classmates with Tom Riddle. The twist: she's a few months old at the time.

This is NOT a nasty!Dumbledore fic. It is, however, extremely manipulative. After reading it, you will still not be sure if he did the right thing or not. After all, all the manipulation achieved was save the world...

Best Hermione/Charlie fic: Only in the World of Dragons by Atruwriter.

When Charlie met his girlfriend, not for the first time, he hadn't expected anything to come out of it. She was seven years his junior, brilliant beyond measure and had a strong attitude in her that could either make her sexily bossy or a nagging hag. She came to the colony to learn about dragons and figure out if it was a career worth pursuing, knowledge was her sustenance. She wanted to know everything about everything and while it was admirable, Charlie wasn't exactly interested in using his dragons as her lab experiment. Surprising them both she grew fond of the giant and moody lizards and worked to become a dragon keeper herself...

... while Hermione had a hard time relating to the women, she fit right in with the men. She picked up her usual mother-like position and before long the men were looking up to her like she was their faux-girlfriend. When upset, they crashed Hermione's tent to spill their feelings without being ridiculed. Charlie had the misfortune of walking in on a sodded dragon keeper as he cried on Hermione's couch about how his girlfriend had broken up with him through owl post and quickly exited before anybody saw him. Hermione was the resident emotional baggage holder. She listened with the ear of a thousand understanding women, doling out advice when needed, but mostly just supplying soothing tea and a shoulder to lean on. The men didn't admit to each other that she was reliable when things were tough, that she was the first to be informed when things were going good or bad, but it was a well known fact.

Best Hermione/Dean fic: The Great Hogwarts Electricity Debate by Lucy Lupin.

Ok, it's the only HGDT fic I could find, and it's just a oneshot. But seriously, Dean/Hermione is a MUST (Major Underexplored Ship Thing).

Best Dramione Fic: For some reason, there is this huge ridiculous conspiracy going around that says that Draco (or Tom Felton) is cute. This is wrong. Draco may be smart, but ... cute? He's got a face that only a mother jellyfish could love, and that too only if said organism was blind. Anyway, there are several good DHr fics out there, based on the admittedly reasonable premise that if Draco's head was removed, cleaned up, and refitted, he would be Hermione's Equal.

(1) A Dragon Reborn by Ezmerelda

(2) Growing by Atruwriter(who has lots of other good fics, such as A Secret Life).

(3) We Learned the Sea by luckei1. Voldemort's most trusted Death Eater walks into Harry Potter's office and offers a deal to work on the inside to kill Voldemort. They need one more person to keep their secrets - Hermione. Trouble is, Draco Malfoy killed her parents. luckei also has some nice other fics.

(4) Summer With the Grangers by draco-severus-mmm a.k.a. Sam.

(5)A Familiar Place by AnneM.Oliver and its wonderful Helga/Salazar + Dramione sequel A Familiar Place Part II : The Founders Story. Good for those who like whodunnits.

(6)A Quest of Paladins by Bambu.

Most Enjoyably Confusing: Out of Time. by Rurouni Star.

AU of third year (and more, see sequels) with Hermione struggling with the Time Turner and hiding a convict called Sirius Black. This isnt really HGSB (sequels may be) but there is much Hermione-Sirius interaction. She has multiple memories floating around in her head, she's working herself to bits - so hard that Sirius even does her Arithmancy homework for her when he never took the subject himself. Suddenly, running into oneself doesnt seem as important as remaining sane...

Best Magical Britain Bashing Fic Written By The Person Compiling This List

Harry took Ron on the Horcrux Hunt, leaving Hermione behind. She helped them anyway. When Harry and Ron chucked her into Azkaban after the Final Battle, she promptly pulled a Sirius, escaping and fleeing the country. She then wrote a book, a polemic against Pureblood Society. Ten Years have passed. British Mudbloods are leaving in droves. The Ministry is worried. They'd like Hermione back to stop the exodus. She thinks they are delusional.

Peppered with quotes from the book... "The pureblood Mudbrains think that Mudbloods should be kept out of Magical Society. They make a good point. Why on earth would we want to be part of it? Magical Society in Britain is like a dirty little pond contaminated with the excrement of the inbred three-eyed fish living in it.. Why would healthy fish like us want to swim and choke in it when there's the ocean of the Muggle world available to us? Not to mention more civilized Magical societies."

Best Harry Bashing Oneshot : Where the Heart Is by darkgoddess2002.

Harry betrayed Hermione. After several years, he discovered the truth. He wants her back. For some strange reason (called 'Harry is a bloody idiot'), she doesn't think that's on the cards.

Best Hermione/Salazar : When Past and Present Collide by Rebecca Pierson.

Best Ghost!Mione : Unfinished Business by Ramos. HGSS. Thanks to a manufacturing error, Hermione dies in a Potions Accident. Much mourning ensues. Then she turns up again - transparent.

These fics may involve ships, but they are not the focus of the story.

Most Original Fic Worth Reading : Dementors by Myranya.

If you read it, you will understand why. There is absolutely no way, no way at all, that anyone except the person who wrote it could have come up with it. It's the kind of idea that hits someone once every fifty years or so. It starts with Hermione in Azkaban. She does what no human as ever done before - she tries to communicate with her Dementors guards. They respond... an intriguing account of Dementor physiology and society.

Funniest Dementor Fic Pumblechook by Wartcap. Hermione/Snape. Chockfull of situational humour, as befits any Dementor/Myrtle fic. Includes a scavengeristic Horcrux Hunt and a thrilling trip to Ottery St C with Snape driving Hermione, a dementor, and a ghost on Sirius' bike...

Luna recoiled. “What is that smell?”
“Is it the reek of an Elizabethan open sewer laced with ripened garlic, crossed with the stench of a decomposing whale’s scrotum at low tide?” Hermione asked.
Luna covered her nose and nodded.
“That’s the smell of Pumblechook,” Hermione explained. “You get used to it after a couple of days.”
Flattered by Hermione’s romantic description of his body odour, Pumblechook gallantly bowed, reached out for Luna’s hand and delicately kissed her insipid, warm knuckles. Have we met, my fairy? Turning over her hand, he kissed her wrist. Surely I would have remembered such loveliness, such pale pallor?

Fic with Most Realistic Discussion of Ethics: The Golden Age by Arsinoe de Blassenville. One of the few fics worth reading that have Hermione and her sidekick (Harry) making both errors (lots) and good things.

"There been talk about her, Harry," said Neville. "Pretty bad talk. That’s she’s going Dark."
Whatever he had expected, it was not this. Harry sat as if hit by a stunning charm. "That’s rubbish!" he managed, after a gaping moment.
"Is it? I hope so. People have been hearing things, getting owls—it’s all over the place. Gran told me some when I was home. Hermione’s been throwing her weight around since she got the Crouch money." He put up a hand to prevent Harry’s angry interruption. "Yes, I was there. I supported her. It’s just that people are scared of her, Harry." He took a breath and blurted out, "People say that she killed Madam Edgecombe."

Most Thought Provoking Oneshot : Unsticking the Shadow by Pogrebin.

For just three thousand words, this fic is bloody scary.

'The Daily Prophet is the only newspaper that sells on September 1st, 1998... the statement released by You-Know-Who [says that he] has a Muggle father... Hermione thinks there is something almost Shakespearian in the way that Voldemort begins his article by confessing his name and his heritage and ends it by using his own example to prove his point. Mudbloods are evil bastards, wizards and witches of the wizarding world - take a look at how I turned out... Voldemort has just placed himself on the side of the Muggleborns...Hermione meets Harry’s eyes and says, “Voldemort has just destroyed us.”'

Most Realistic Azkaban!Harry Fic : The Perfect Azkaban Breakout by pstibbons. (Hey, modesty was never my strong point.) Traditionally, Harry goes to Azkaban unjustly, is betrayed by nearly all his friends (sometimes including Hermione, which is nearly as ridiculous as HBP), gains super powers, and gets out by himself. That's unrealistic. So I broke each of those cliches - here, Hermione and the Order break Harry out of Azkaban.

Harry had wanted Hermione to be Secret Keeper, but she had refused. It was important to keep the secret until he died, and she might die before him ("What if I get knocked down by a Muggle bus, Harry? Or blown up by televangelist terrorists? Or choke on a Marie biscuit?").

Best Hermione Granger Meets Lily Evans fic : The Prefects Portrait by Arsinoe de Blassenville.

Hermione ships with no-one, Lily ships with Draco. Hermione uses the Darkest of Magics to return Lily Evans (not Lily Potter) from the dead... and then she can't tell anyone. This fic has a nasty scary ending where the Purebloods win. I hate Lucius - so will you. Excellent interaction with Snape.

Most Super!Hermione : Forgotten Past by Jamesite.

Hermione formed the Ministry of Magic and trained the Founders. Can't get more super than that. Crossovers with LOTR (at least).

Best Hermione Joins the Victorious Death Eaters Fic: Nest Of Vipers by Inara.

Voldemort won. The only members of the Order, Hermione included, are given a choice. Join the New World Order ... or die. They choose the former. Not a simplistic fic, so canon lovers should stay away.

Malfoy pursed his lips in consideration. “I suppose it’s the same everywhere. In my country, when famine and war strike, it’s the women who die first because as a matter of course, they give their food to their children,” he said slowly. “You would do that, Miss Elk River. So would Granger. Whereas I - being male - might succeed in convincing myself that I had much better stay alive and get a law passed – or start a revolution. In Britain, businesses employ women for the menial labor, not men, because women will work for even less than minimum wage, just so as long as they can get their children fed. I know that. I also recognize it as a kind of courage and maturity few men possess.”

Hermione raised her brows in surprise, both at his words and at his unexpected compliment. She had never thought Malfoy capable of understanding. He had never been a sympathetic figure in her life, and this peek into something deeper confused her. And to hear him admitting these thoughts aloud…

Malfoy must have known what Hermione was thinking, for he said, “I’m just as guilty as the others, Granger, and perhaps my crime is worse, because I am aware of it.”

Hermionecentric Fic I'd most like to see resurrected: Why Didn't You Trust Me? by MarianneLinley and SarahQuinn (8000 words, 270 reviews!).

Best Hermione is Buffy Fic : New Life Meets Old Life by dozygirl.

No Harry/Ginny or Ron/Hermione fics pollute the listing below. some HHr fics are listed here because most of the attention is on Harry rather than Hermione.

Best Sibling-Who-Lived Fic :

The Sacrifices Arc by lightningonthewave.

Lightningonthewave is easily the most prolific author in the Potterverse. She began Book 1 in September 2005 and finished Book 7 in January 2007. Sixteen months, seven books, three million words. (In contrast, OOTP has 250 000 words.) And we're not talking about throwaway writing either. Her version of Magical Britain is far, far more developed and consistent than Rowling's.

It starts out as the cliched Sibling-Who-Lived fic, but soon becomes a story of such complexity that any praise I give will be an understatement. I normally detest Harry/Draco (as it is sooo uncanon, not because of the slash) but this is my only exception.
Year 1. Saving Connor : 79 000 words. Harry's twin Connor is the Boy Who Lived, and Harry is devoted to protecting him by making himself look ordinary. But certain people won't let Harry stay in the shadows...
Year 2. No Mouth But Some Serpent's. 165K words.
Year 3. Comes out of Darkness Morn.. 273K.
Year 4. Freedom and not Peace.. 490K. H/D starts here.
Year 5. Wind that shakes the Seas and Stars. 770K.
Year 6. A Song in Time of Revolution. 696K. (Excellent ending.)
Year 7. I am also Thy Brother. 534K.

My major gripe with this saga is that there isn't enough Hermione time. But what is there is good - and the Smith-Granger pairing is one of the most intriguing pairings in fanfiction. The author must have Fae blood. Or Elf blood, it's not like I'd be able to tell.

Also classified as 'Fic I Most Wish I Could Hate'. I've tried, really I have. I normally think Harry/Draco is a joke. (The slash is fine, but the idea... dunno way, I mean, I like Dramione, so what's wrong with Drarry?)

Best HHr Sibling-Who-Lived Fic Unsung Hero, by MeghanReviews. Harry gets a lot more face time than Hermione, though. Harry's in Ravenclaw, Hermione's in Gryffindor. The Boy Who Lived, Daniel Potter, is the twin who doesnt kick ass but gets the credit for it. This is very Harry-centric, but I still look forward to its updates.

(Of course.... my Yet Another Sibling Who Lived Fic wins the prize for Most Ridiculous title in this category. But I abandoned it...)

Funniest Vampire!Harry Twists of Fate and The Life And Times of Ryan Lupin by Lanindur Du'Undarian (eight times winner of ffnet's Most Misspelt Name award). Warning: some Harry/Ginny (The Delusional Fangirl Ship).

Abandoned, but good while it lasted. No Hermione. Harry's parents try to kill him when he is turned into a vampire as a baby. Remus runs away with him. What can possibly go wrong when a poor single werewolf tries to raise a snarky hyperactive vampire? Nothing at all. As long as you don't count that field full of vampirized moomoos. Or that...

Most Ranty HHr Fic : Parallels by Bobmin.

AU, literally - Harry jumps to a different dimension after a Pyrrhic last battle. SuperHarry and (understandably) meek Hermione. Excellent scenes of Draco torture. Also good for Ginny haters. Not to be read by those who dislike fanfic written by male writers. (I usually don't, but this is a good fic for when you don't need to think.)

Harrycentric Fic I'd most like to see resurrected: Averto Vicis by Lady Smoothie. Also Why should I? by Breanna Senese, the crossover where the X Men get Harry and Hermione out of Azkaban.

Most Independent Harry : A Life Alone by LoonyLivesOn.

No Hermione. The story starts out with the premise that Petunia and Vernone never married and that Petunia and Lily were good friends. She raised Harry as a son... till he was eight. Then she told him the story of his life and what Lily told her - that he is wanted by both Voldemort and Albus and should avoid both. She is promptly killed by the Order and Harry becomes a streetkid, going by various names... and eventually attends Hogwarts as Jeremy Hart. Not for those addicted to happy endings.

Best Harry Adopts Tom Fic : Altered Destinies by DobbyElfLord.

Everyone is dead except Harry. He goes back fifty years to kill a boy Lord Voldemort. Then he changes his mind and adopts Tom Riddle instead. (No Hermione.) Story of a young Tom growing up with full knowledge of how his alternate self had grown up.

Best Rowling Meets Dickens Fic : Not Myself by Saerry Snape/Terion.

Niamh O'Feir is a Muggleborn witch sorted with streetkid Harry into his father's house at Hogwarts. The 320K main story has nearly 200 (short) chapters, covering Years 1 to 7, and there are sequels and prequels. Terion's effing brilliant. Niamh O'Feir, a.k.a. Lady Hex, is easily my all-time favorite fanfiction character. Also on ff.net. Hermione's alright and ships with someone other than Ron. Early chapters could use a beta, but the plot's cool. Besides, I like the name Niamh.

Best Discworld Crossover : Harry Potter and the Color of Magic by Chardvignon.

HHr. Hermione's husband is sent to the Discworld to learn how to become a cop. In the meantime, Rincewind comes to Hogwarts.

"Well, I suppose it won’t make much of a difference if you perform accidental magic on Discworld," Professor Vector said.
"Because their Ministry of Magic can’t detect it?" Harry asked.
"Because if you perform some accidental magic on the Discworld, your entire body will explode into about eight million particles simultaneously at the speed of light,” Vector said, happily. “The resulting explosion would be about fifty or sixty times greater than that of the largest nuclear explosion in the history of Earth. You won’t know the difference, of course, since you’ll be too dead to care."

Funniest Harrycentric fic : Make a Wish by Rorschach's Blot.

Harry spends a summer travelling around Europe and the rest of the world in an attempt to have a decent holiday before Voldemort kills him. In the process, he unwittingly creates a legend - Mr Black.

Best Snape Is Harry's Dad Fic : Prometheus Bound by Dius Corvus.

HHr. Albus sends Harry to Privet Drive, where he is shot, blinded, and tortured. He escapes, only to be sent by Umbridge to a secret prison where he is raped. By the time he is rescued, he doesn't want to trust anyone. A story about emotional recovery, magically living with blindness, and ending up in Azkaban.

The author says, "The obvious parallel is that Harry is Prometheus, with all his troubles stemming from the tyrannical Zeuses: his relatives, his father, Voldemort. And though he at times nearly succumbs to the pressure, he persists..."

Any Harry/Ginny is minor. No Ron-Hermione of course, we're not uncivlized.

Most Original Ship : Salix Narcissa by marginaliana.

Willow/Squid. Nuff said.

Best Time Travel From Future To Present : Beyond This Place of Wrath and Tears by Talriga. Snape-centric.

It's hard to believe that Talriga's a teen. I bet she came bac